What Games Do Couples Play? (Part 2)

What Games Do Couples Play Part 2

Beth and Roger’s Games – What Obstructed Their Relationship Progress?

There are few things that obstructed Beth and Roger‘s relationship. Surely the first thing to mention is the miscommunications between them. Having in mind their childhood experiences and the way they have developed certain patterns in their way of relating to each other, it is obvious that their effective communication skills are limited.

By “skills” I mean the ability to say what you really want to say and to give yourself time to understand what the other person is saying.

I also mean the ability to listen not in order to answer, but in order to understand.

It also means being honest with each other in those communications.

Situations like this and the resulting crisis in the relationship are most often a sign that is time for a change. Maybe a change of perspective or maybe a change of the way they each approach the other person. And in doing this maybe take their relationship to a different place entirely; namely spiritually.

This happens when both fully trust each other and feel total support from their partner. Roger just had to hear Beth’s distress and respond to it as she needed him to. And Beth had to trust that Roger could be there for her.

It is interesting how people get upset by what they fear will happen while striving to get what they need, without realizing most often they already have it while it is them denying its existence because of their own beliefs.

People also tend to attach to their children more than necessary as in the case of Beth. Every mother prioritizes her children’s needs before anybody else, but there comes a time when she needs to make her relationship with her partner the priority.

This way she will no longer feel bad if one of her children doesn’t want to attend the other child’s birthday party. This is a matter of the relations between the children and she doesn’t need to get involved and hurt by it.

In any relationships, there are games being played on different levels and the more people are involved the more games are happening simultaneously. While Beth and Roger are playing their game, there are also other levels or connections with other people and their games making it even more complicated.

What Are The Games Beth And Roger Play?

It looks like Beth needs to get some fundamental needs fulfilled and she is seeking the attention as a proof of love and belonging. She plays the position of a Victim and is constantly thinking to herself that she’ll never find real love and be appreciated.

Her game could be called “disappoint me”. Her position and reaction is a perfect example of the Helpless from the Survivor’s triangle.

Usually with this kind of thinking the other people just confirm what the Helpless already thinks as Roger also confirms what Beth is upset about is legitimate, by refusing to comfort her or if he sees that this is unreasonable to even challenge her on it.

On the other hand, Roger has his fundamental needs too and they involve addressing, and expressing, his feelings. Because of his childhood, he is not acknowledged for his feelings and this shows in his relationships and mainly in his inability to acknowledge his own feelings and expressing those to himself.

He is unable to share Beth’s disappointment and this leads him to discount her from the Aggressive stance on the Survivor’s Triangle. He thinks that men should not express their feelings. He therefore refuses to involve himself with anything that is connected with the family, but instead chooses to live in his “safe” world. His game could be called “Suck it Up” and by playing it, Roger also denies his love while trying to prevent disappointment in his life.

To the wonder of you,

 

 

 

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