differences tagged posts

What Games Do Couples Play? (Part 6)

Games Couples Play 6

Vanessa and Mark’s Games

Most often on the surface, things can look really good or really bad, depending on what exactly we’re looking at as well as the angle of our perspective. Some couples are envied for the way their love looks on the surface and for the happiness they seem to have.  Vanessa and Mark seemed to have had it all in the beginning and they believed that they had the best marriage going until one day it just all went wrong.

Of course, when something goes wrong with a marriage, there must be an issue with both people and the way their characters combine in creating the games they play. Usually, the issues revolve around consequences of communication styles, games that the individuals play or just incompatible personalities.

The problem started with Vanessa and the way s...

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What Games Do Couples Play? (Part 4)

What Games Do Couples Play Part 4

How and Why Games Began

It seems that Tamara and Alex’s game began when had their first child. However, in truth, the root of the issues presenting themselves has a longer history and it starts with Alex’s early life.

As often happens, when the first child is being born, the father can feel replaced and ignored. This certainly happened to Alex. But added to the background of his relationship with Tamara, or the lack of it, was his relationship with his father and the feeling of rejection he experienced then that consequently escalated now.

Back then, when he was a child, he wasn’t aware consciously of the missing figure of his father because he had everything he wanted.

The gulf between Tamara and Alex grew even wider when Alex went to work for the science and technology company whe...

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What Games Do Couples Play? (Part 3)

What Games Do Couples Play?

Tamara and Alex’s Games

Things need to be clear in order to be understood. By clear I mean the background story and the connection to the current issues to it need to be understood to fully comprehend what the current issues are about before responding.

Usually issues come up when something far distant in the past which has nothing to do with current issue impacts on the resolution and/or even the understanding. Consequently, what you might think about a situation will often be the exact opposite of what I think about it.

Understanding and being clear about each other’s past helps build the future of the relationship better and can prevent issues from occurring.

Each relationship has its stages and it’s important to recognize the stage and its needs.

In fact, to be in a happy relati...

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What Games Do Couples Play? (Part 2)

What Games Do Couples Play Part 2

Beth and Roger’s Games – What Obstructed Their Relationship Progress?

There are few things that obstructed Beth and Roger‘s relationship. Surely the first thing to mention is the miscommunications between them. Having in mind their childhood experiences and the way they have developed certain patterns in their way of relating to each other, it is obvious that their effective communication skills are limited.

By “skills” I mean the ability to say what you really want to say and to give yourself time to understand what the other person is saying.

I also mean the ability to listen not in order to answer, but in order to understand.

It also means being honest with each other in those communications.

Situations like this and the resulting crisis in the relationship are most often a sig...

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What Games Do our Couples Play? (Part 1)

Beth and Roger’s Games

Beth and Roger’s Games

The story of Beth and Roger may look superficial or like nothing is really happening and affecting their relationship, but if the situation is analysed and looked at more closely, a lot of underwater details appear and give some clues to something happening at a subconscious level not evident when looking at it consciously.

The problem occurs when one of their children doesn’t want to attend the other child’s birthday party. Beth gets upset and expects Roger to take care of her feelings and to console her, but he is unable to do it.

Questions immediately appear and some of them are: what is so distressing about this situation and why so and even more so what roles are both playing and why?

The truth is, as bystanders to the situation it seems that Beth and R...

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Do Opposites Make the Best Relationships?

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If you would like to attend this free presentation please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the presentation”.

Do Opposites Make the Best Relationships?

 

Some excerpts from my workshops.

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Detecting Games in the Relationship

Detecting Games in the Relationship - The Story of Lyn and JamesThe Story of Lyn and James

“Lyn” and “James” have been married for ten years and have three children. When they first met, Lyn had just left school. James was fifteen years older and had already been in the workforce for some time.

At the time they met Lyn still lived at home, while James had his own place. Lyn looked up to James for support and guidance and he was able to be that at a time when Lyn was still new to adult relationships and adulthood generally.

Lyn was still somewhat naïve, so she allowed James to advise her in exactly how she was to act as his wife and even what she should be like as a person.

Then things changed.

Lyn grew up and started to have opinions of her own. But whenever she attempted to express them they had a disagreement...

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Why Couples Fight?

Why Couples Fight?

Adam and Emily had been in a relationship for two years and were contemplating marriage. The issue however was that they could never agree on anything and even less so when the conversation turned to how they might fulfill their marriage vows.

Adam was an only child growing up and was used to having most things he wanted without having to share with siblings. He was fun loving and ambitious and well-liked by his mates and work colleagues. Emily was the youngest of five children and so was used to speaking loudly to have her voice heard at all.

Adam and Emily met at a work function where they immediately “hit it off” and became great friends. It wasn’t long before they decided that because they were spending so much time at each other’s place they might as well move in together...

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Challenges for Couples in Stage 4

Beach couple - Challenges for Couples in Stage 4

The challenges for you couples in Stage 4 include expanding your ability to move easily toward and away from each other as the situation requires. You may even want to spend more time together as any lingering threat of being trapped or smothered by the other has now been resolved.

This stage also opens the way for a more adventurous sexual relationship and a willingness to explore wider frontiers with your partner as well as a wish to satisfy requests, even when it may be inconvenient to do so, or when there may be nothing coming back in return.

The real challenge in Stage 4 then is to listen to—and hear—your partner’s perspective without judgment while maintaining your own.

The emotional closeness and sexual intimacy between you may wane at times, but there is now something much g...

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Relationship Stage 4: Recoupling (When You Put “Relate” back into Relationship)

Relationship Stage 4: RecouplingHave you ever heard this Indian song?

You will start to love your life again my friend
and that is all, there’s nothing more to say
singing hey lay oh hey
singing hey lay oh ha

If life is a theatre play we are playing the fourth act of our relationship – Recoupling. This song would be the most appropriate and most meaningful music background.The World is full of wonders and individuality is one of them. In finding ourselves, our own inner Universe, we have the real opportunity to share it with another human being and to mutually exchange feelings, emotions, and life.Nothing else matters now when two human beings find their way towards one another with the freedom to communicate independently and autonomously...
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