What Games Do our Couples Play? (Part 1)

Beth and Roger’s Games

 

Beth and Roger’s Games

The story of Beth and Roger may look superficial or like nothing is really happening and affecting their relationship, but if the situation is analysed and looked at more closely, a lot of underwater details appear and give some clues to something happening at a subconscious level not evident when looking at it consciously.

The problem occurs when one of their children doesn’t want to attend the other child’s birthday party. Beth gets upset and expects Roger to take care of her feelings and to console her, but he is unable to do it.

Questions immediately appear and some of them are: what is so distressing about this situation and why so and even more so what roles are both playing and why?

The truth is, as bystanders to the situation it seems that Beth and Roger both know what’s going on, even if only subconsciously.

Whenever we find ourselves in an uncomfortable situation it is important to ask yourself, and the other person, questions in order to figure out where the issues are coming from and how best to solve them.

Simply, the key is communicating the problem and viewing each other perspectives. The main thing though is to find the actual source of the problem as that is where the real answers lie and working on that.

Working on it means first realizing something is happening, then talking about it to clarify what that is, and then expressing thoughts, feelings and wishes that are connected with it. The direction that problems are coming from is connected with miscommunication and most of the time they are caused by childhood scenarios that affect us subconsciously.

The script beliefs are a mixture of all these plus added emotions. The issues may be just due to personality or cultural differences.

In any case, if we look at the childhoods of Beth and Roger, Beth, for example, grew up in a family that wasn’t very cohesive. She had five sisters and the attention she was given has been less than her needs require. Her mother’s time wasn’t just for her. It was split between her other sisters and the household she had to manage.

Beth grew up looking for a place to belong and felt she had discovered that in her life with her husband and children.

Roger, on the other hand, had a family that wasn’t giving him and his brothers and sister enough attention, because they were busy running their small businesses, but they gave him freedom, and he learned his lessons alone. He could even be described as street wise.  Because of the freedom, Roger had, and his capacity to self-nurture, Roger has the belief that if he wants to have something good he has to create it for himself.

Both Beth and Roger were attracted to each other thereby for different reasons.  For Beth, it was Roger’s go-get-it attitude and that she can have fun with him. While for Roger, he was attracted to Beth’s gentle and giving nature and her feminine energy.

If the situation is viewed from a different angle, and the subconscious is taken in mind, she might have fallen for him because she knew he will decry her feelings.  And in turn Roger might have become attracted to her because she is very expressive of her feelings and this way he won’t need to be. In addition, he won’t need to admit his feelings as she does it for both of them.

To the wonder of you,

 

 

 

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