Drama-Free Life: Is It Possible?

Drama-Free Life: Don't Make an Elephant Out of a Fly

Life Is Not a TV Drama

Is it possible to live a drama free life? Is it necessary to have drama in our lives in order to feel balanced when it is over? Isn’t it easier to just exclude even the smallest possibility of turning a fly into an elephant? What make us create dramas in our lives when this is the thing we fear and dislike the most?

Look at the games the couples in our stories (The Story of Tamara and Alex, The Story of Vanessa and Mark, Vanessa and Mark (cont), Detecting Games in Relationships, Responding Assertively to Game Playing).

An Exercise

If you want you can challenge yourself: try imagining each game discussed as initiated by anyone, of either sex, and imagine how that game story might play out. This will help you find the games which you yourself possibly play in your relationships. It is like “getting out” of your body and looking at the situation, including your own reactions, from another perspective.

The Predetermined Pattern of the Games Couples Play

Our brains are used to making unconscious connections between situations, feelings, and reactions, and therefore we act in certain ways when faced with an argument or a situation that leads to one.

Sometimes it is hard to recognize when this is happening, or how it affects our decision-making processes. It may be something that happened many years ago, even in our childhood, that made us think or believe a certain way. That, in turn, in our minds logically leads to another belief and then to another one, and this how we end up with the with a misguided belief which may not serve us well.

Relationship games are a path that we have created by habit to follow which invariably ends up at the same place. It is like a predetermined scenario that both sides are very familiar with and tend to follow.

It happens so that believing that a situation is as we think it is, we predict the ending of it.

It pretty much follows the familiar saying that we become what we believe we will and have what we believe we deserve.

This dynamic demonstrates a classic human contradiction: the perpetual struggle between the wish for unconditional love and the belief, based on some early life decision, that we’ll never find it. You might also notice that every game ends up with the participants emotionally further apart, since it satisfies a common underlying belief that this is how life is going to turn out for them anyway: distanced from those they want to be closest to. It is the open communication that “breaks” these circles and makes more sense of the person standing before you.

If we are aware of the paths our own minds tend to follow, and we understand how the connections between reality and fantasy are being created, then the conclusions we make could look a whole lot different.

To the wonder of you,

 

 

 

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