December 23, 2014,
Games People Play, Script 
No comments
As a little child we all played funny games where the die determined our luck and our eventual triumph at the final. Have you ever noticed that in a particular situation participants have different reactions to the way a game progresses. Some of them feel themselves to be the winners the very moment they take the dice, while others feel scared while playing at dice, and third are desperate feelings some have that this would be just another time they would not get a double six.
The more the players are, the more the reactions are. Just as in life, isn’t it? The games people play bring them joy, disappointment or pride.
Eric Berne and His Theory
Differently from the games like those above the life that you ultimately come to live, and all that you think, feel, say, and do in it, is for the most part lived out subconsciously, through the psychological games you play, and which are especially evident in your relationships.
Eric Berne, the same person who developed script theory, proposed that we play these psychological games for one reason only: as a way to find confirmation or validation for our deeply held values and beliefs about ourselves and about others: our life script.
To clarify this further, let’s refer back to the life positions I referred to in a previous article; Victor, Visitor, and Victim. Victors do not need to play games, because their lives are based on positive scripts. They will have found “happily ever after.” Both Visitors and Victims are life positions lived from negative scripts, and as such, they are much more prone to play games. The type of game, and the intensity or degree to which they play them, is decided by the degree of negativity in their scripts.
All games played from a negative life script appeal to the negative life script in the other person in the relationship. If the other person refuses to play, then the game should come to a natural end.
What Are The Games People Play?
The answer to this question hides in the self-awareness of each person. If a person is well aware of himself and of the script of his own life, then he could easily see his own role. However, if one lives while under a delusion and has a misguided self-assessment, then reality and his own ideas will always cross each other.
The Games People Play will invariably differ from what they claim as their expectations about themselves and about the relations they establish.
In truth, everyone has a soft spot which, if pressed often enough or in a certain way, can draw them into a game. This is simply the nature of life. Our life’s journey is to become as aware as we can of those soft spots so we can eradicate as much game playing as possible. This is the challenge of living more consciously to create the life we deserve.
And if we return to the play table, we will see each of the players playing even the innocent game of dice from a different place in a different role. Most often these can be divided into three basic ones: the Aggressor, the Helpless, and the Martyr.
I will pay special attention to each of them in some of the upcoming articles and I will give a detailed description of the players’ images. And this will make it easier for you to find in your own selves and in those people you know the characteristics of each individual player’s style.
Probably you will ask yourself why is this so important? Aren’t we all a part of the games people play? Yes, indeed, beyond dispute. But let us all think for a while – how could we ever make a realistic self-assessment if we do not realize our nature in all of its various aspects?
Please, write to me and share with me how you see your own image. Tell me about your own life role and whether you really feel comfortable in it.
To the wonder of you,
Leave a reply