subconscious tagged posts

February 17, 2021,  Family, Life, Script  No comments

We also know the power of the subconscious mind, since every day we do so many things without even thinking. We shower, get dressed, brush our teeth, have breakfast, and get ourselves to work and home again without even giving it a second thought. We just trust our unconscious mind to take care of these things, and it does.

How Did I Get Here?

If you’re skeptical, let me ask you this question: have you ever driven your car or taken a walk and suddenly realized you didn’t remember how you got where you were?

Your subconscious mind got you there, and you can trust it. If you had come across a stop sign or something happened that needed your attention, your conscious mind would’ve taken control in an instant.

This ability is really very helpful: it means that you don’t ...

May 1, 2018,  Counselling, Games People Play, Life, Love, Relationship, Script  No comments

Many years ago, people believed that a healthy relationship looked like this: two complementary halves making a whole. Now we understand that a relationship that looks like this is far from complementary and where generally one person in the couple dominates the other.

People need first to be whole within themselves in order to be happy with another person.

If we look at this issue from a Transactional Analysis perspective, according to that theory, we all have a mixture of personalities; we don’t just have one way of being. Instead, in different places with different people, we can actually relate quite differently as well. Berne described these different personality styles as “ego states...

August 23, 2017,  Family, Life, Relationship, Relationship Tips, Script  No comments

The Main Categories of Counsellors

Many people are somewhat afraid and ashamed when it comes to help, especially on the topic of feelings, mentality and psyche.

Realizing there’s a problem and a need for it to be solved is the first step in solving it.

There are a few different categories when it comes to therapy in general. Counsellors fall into one of four main categories: behaviour therapy, cognitive therapy, counselling, or psychotherapy.

None of them is better than the other and each of them can lead to the effect that is being wanted, namely inner peace and happiness...

June 30, 2017,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

Some people realize they are having problems at an early stage in their relationship while others they only realize there have been problems when their relationship is about to break down.

As with every other couple, with Lyn and James, the problems appearing are connected with both their childhoods.  Lyn had grown up in a family with three older brothers and a mother who was struggling to manage as she and her husband had separated some years before.

Lyn’s mother was anxious and depressed and on medication and her father was only occasionally available to take care of the children.

As she was still young at the time, Lyn knew very little of what happened to separate her parents...

February 1, 2017,  Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

Why Do We Play Games?

Just as we need two people to agree to tango so too it takes two people to subconsciously agree to play the psychological games we all play.

However, they don’t realize how exactly the game is being played, or how it all started, but usually the payoff for both sides is negative and it comes fast.

The whole process of playing games comes from an earlier stage of one’s development during childhood. Most of the time games happen automatically, like a habit that the brain has in creating realities that we believe and live in.

Watching other people’s behaviours in early childhood is the core of the games being played later on...

February 1, 2016,  Games People Play, Relationship  No comments

Many people who have played the Survivor’s Triangle games have realized that it usually doesn’t lead to a good outcome. Then comes the need of a positive outcome and you have to figure out how to make it happen.

Approaching the task logically, if you want a positive outcome to a situation you need to be positive yourself.

All could be different depending on which angle you are watching it from. And if the Survivor’s Triangle is viewed from an “I am okay” position, then the whole picture will change and the roles played will change as well to become the higher “self” of that positive interaction – no longer a game of the negative kind.

For example, the higher self of the Aggressor from the Survivor’s Triangle would turn to an Assertive type on the Winner’s Triangle and will...

January 14, 2016,  Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

We need to spice up our life every now and then and, as my husband and I so often do, we play teasing games with each other. But when do games that are played in jest become something more serious game with a negative consequence for the relationship? And how do we tell them apart?

In the Survivor’s triangle each of the “game-players” play and respond differently and express themselves differently as their emotional state dictates from time to time.

There are three degrees of games though all games can be placed somewhere on a continuum according to how each person experiences it. In addition the outcome for the relationship will also be affected depending on the perspective of each “player”.

First Degree Games

First Degree Games are generally pretty harmless and people might eve...

January 6, 2016,  Family, Relationship  No comments

Your memory stores all kinds of information from your life’s experiences. We make sense of those events, attach them to other events as we deem appropriate and store them, no matter how trivial they might seem, somewhere for future reference as needed.

You might surprise yourself by how much trivia you seem to have stored that just pops up, seemingly from nowhere, from time to time while at other times we just can’t seem to access some basic stuff that we really need at that moment, like where did you leave your keys or wallet.

Within our subconscious minds different layers keep information with different levels of importance, age, intensity and impact. Each kept unconsciously within us and differently from the others.

It is amazing that actually everything you have ever experienced ev...

November 4, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

One thing is certain – human relationships are a complicated maze that has no entry or exit signs. It’s as if we start a relationship with our eyes closed, groping our way to the entrance of the maze but without a clear vision. We have no map or knowledge of how long it will take us to reach the point of “living happily ever after”.

There are some couples that accept the challenges, but there are also those who prefer to play it “safe”, or even leave when it starts to get hard just to end up in the same place in their next relationship. This becomes a way of avoiding the difficult situations or solving the serious problems that have become part of their relationships and indeed which are part of all relationships.

Eric Berne, who first developed game theory, defines games as “…an ongoin...

August 6, 2015,  Family, Relationship  No comments

Do you remember the movie “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”? It was a battle of characters, personalities and one upmanship. Do you remember Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in this amazing battle of wills filled with lies, deception, lots of bullets and fast cars, and the scent of a roasted meat, red wine and a few candles?

At some moments the couple were very pleasant to each other while at others they were vicious. Does the theme of this movie sound familiar? Is this a theme that is evident in your relationships? If so read on as I address how to deal with these conflicts.

By the way it is so important that you do deal with these conflicts and the sooner the better.

Why? Simply because if you don’t they can damage you and your relationship and leave a lasting scar that may never be fully recovera...