February 1, 2016,
Games People Play, Relationship 
No comments
Many people who have played the Survivor’s Triangle games have realized that it usually doesn’t lead to a good outcome. Then comes the need of a positive outcome and you have to figure out how to make it happen.
Approaching the task logically, if you want a positive outcome to a situation you need to be positive yourself.
All could be different depending on which angle you are watching it from. And if the Survivor’s Triangle is viewed from an “I am okay” position, then the whole picture will change and the roles played will change as well to become the higher “self” of that positive interaction – no longer a game of the negative kind.
For example, the higher self of the Aggressor from the Survivor’s Triangle would turn to an Assertive type on the Winner’s Triangle and will be share their needs, opinions and concerns in order to prevent misunderstanding. And because you cannot have respect from others if you don’t have self-respect then this now becomes a must in order to continue to communicate from the Winner’s Triangle.
Sharing what you need with someone shouldn’t be at their expense or at anyone’s expense otherwise this would be a situation from the Survivor’s Triangle.
The Martyr, without games, now takes the role of a Nurturer and instead of giving their help without being asked for it or even without the permission of the other person, gives it only as requested and only as able and willing to do so.
In this case the Nurturer unconditionally gives their partner what he/she cannot manage for themselves and nothing is expected in return. The reason is simply because they love and care for their partner.
It is also done in consideration of both you and your partner not just for your partner at your expense as the Martyr from the Survivor’s Triangle would do.
When it comes to the Helpless, which in the Winner’s Triangle turns to the Aware type, the change is that simply the Helpless is aware that he/she needs more caring or time, or has more needs and doesn’t feel bad about asking for it or receiving it.
They simply accept the fact, without guilt, and the caring from the Nurturer, who on their behalf are giving their love unconditionally and are happy to do so. If the caring is at their expense and it penalizes them in a way, then this is not being offered from the Winner’s Triangle.
To come back to the duality of human nature people’s relationships will reflect like a mirror back to them what they give so we easily pick up someone else’s perspective of the situation and the emotions it brings, for good and for bad.
Talking to someone who is struggling on the Survivor’s Triangle can impact on the mood of a person who is on the Winner’s Triangle which is why if we feel compelled to help someone we do it only when we are in an Ok enough space personally to do so. It is important to avoid picking up other people’s negative emotions in order to prevent yourself from stepping back onto the Survivor’s Triangle.
The aim is to always be on the Winner’s Triangle and to be really mindful of what triggers might encourage you to step back onto the Survivor’s Triangle, a place of game playing to be avoided at all costs.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this topic and whether you can tell the difference between people who manage their lives from each place.
To the wonder of you,
Leave a reply