relationship tagged posts

October 25, 2018,  Counselling, Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Love, Relationship, Sex  No comments

Many couples use the state of their sex life as a barometer for what is going on in the rest of their relationship. I also suggest that the converse works as well: what is going on in your relationship and in each of your personal lives can also affect your sex life.

Libido levels rise and fall with circumstances. Maybe one person is too stressed to make sex good for their partner, let alone for him or herself. Work pressures can distract couples from giving positive sexual attention to each other.

An episode of ill health can affect your sex life. It could be something that directly affects the sex organs like prostate cancer, or just stress, or your diet. Maybe you need to exercise more or you feel overweight. You might need more sleep, or even just more fun.

You should monitor all of t...

September 17, 2018,  Family, Life, Love, Relationship, Sex  No comments

“How often is normal?” is a perennial question.

There is really no answer, because what is normal for one couple may be quite different for another.

But what is normal for them depends on how they both respond to a whole array of things that reflect the state of the couple at any given moment.

Note, too, that some couples prefer frequent sex, and some do not. In fact, some couples have a very happy relationship without any sex at all. Let me qualify any misconception here by saying that the use of the term “sex” in this discussion refers to the physical act of intercourse. For many though, for whatever reason, intercourse is not possible, but this does not preclude these people’s capacity for closeness in a very intimate or even sexual way by some other definition of the term.

T...

August 9, 2018,  Love, Relationship, Sex  No comments

Although it is not always the case, men tend to be turned on sexually more easily than women. Men may also be turned on more easily by sexual stimuli, including fantasy. In addition, sexual tension in a healthy male begins to build again immediately after ejaculation, so men can be ready for sex again quite quickly, although this response slows down with age or health issues. Men can also most often complete the full sexual response cycle sooner.

Men and Sex

Ejaculation can occur on penetration, or even before, but this isn’t always accompanied by orgasm. That takes longer and requires a man to learn to control ejaculation if he is to explore the full range of pleasure he can experience...

July 2, 2018,  Love, Relationship, Sex  No comments

Each of us has our own turn-ons and turn-offs, and our degree of ease around each of these will impact how responsive we are to each other at any given time—not just sexually, but in all of our most intimate moments.

Sexual inhibitors and enhancers (we can think of them as intimacy inhibitors and enhancers), can be broadly categorised into four different types: physical, psychological, partner (the way you act in relationship), and place: the “four P’s” of Intimacy.

Sexual Inhibitors

Physical

• Libido differences
• Tiredness or physical fatigue
• Physical discomfort (headache, injury, illness)
• Poor general health
• Excess intake of alcohol or medications

Psychological

• Lack of emotional wellbeing (stress, anger, fear, guilt, sadness, anxiety, shame)
• Low self-esteem
• Inadequate understa...

February 26, 2018,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Life, Love, Relationship, Script  No comments

Please speak my language

In general, if you aren’t showed love the exact way you imagined love looks, it doesn’t at all mean that you aren’t loved. It has nothing to do with lack of love, but with the fact that we all of us have been scripted not only to value ourselves and others in particular ways, but also in the way we prefer to be shown love. We tend to create a picture of how we see love and this turns into the language of love that we speak with our partner.

Although you experience the expression of love from another in many ways they broadly group together according to the five senses. In the early stage of falling in love our senses become extra sensitive when we’re close to someone...

January 30, 2018,  Counselling, Exercise, Life, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Some people say that forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. Ironically, the future and the present are caused by the past, and thereby the past becomes our future and the present defines our past. And the causes and the effects mix to such a level that it is hard to even understand where it all started in the first place and where it will lead.

For me, besides gratitude, forgiveness is the single most powerful way to create lasting change for the better in relationships.

The story of a young man perfectly describes the effect of “cause and the effect” – he arrived home from work to find that his partner of ten years had left. A note on the kitchen table said that she didn’t love him anymore and she’d had enough of his abuse...

December 30, 2017,  Exercise, Life, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Which Scenario Best Fits Your Relationship?

You wake up in the morning and lean over to your partner for a good morning kiss and hug or you grab your mobile, ignoring the person beside you, as you roll out of your bed to go for a coffee and/or a cigarette?

There are numerous ways to approach your partner when you want to encourage certain behaviours and numerous ways to fail in it.

We can so easily overcomplicate things, believing that there is only one way to get what we want and that is having ignored our partner we then get angry and demand, often through put-downs, what we want.

The smarter approach though is usually the simplest suggestion – to show you are grateful that he or she is there not just when you want something but all the time...

November 28, 2017,  Counselling, Family, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

People often wonder whether Couples Counselling works when one partner isn’t present at the counselling session. Absolutely, yes, it works. If one of the partners change, then the other will respond to the changes. Of course, this does not guarantee positive change or that the relationship will work out, but it does start changing the situation from its current, unsatisfying state.

Breaking the zone of comfort is stepping away from a zone of a relationship that is going nowhere and achieving nothing. Staying in what seems to be the comfort zone, you may be surprised to hear, is hard to maintain as it is not comfortable at all. Holding the decisions taken to move away from what is familiar and comfortable can be even harder...

August 23, 2017,  Family, Life, Relationship, Relationship Tips, Script  No comments

The Main Categories of Counsellors

Many people are somewhat afraid and ashamed when it comes to help, especially on the topic of feelings, mentality and psyche.

Realizing there’s a problem and a need for it to be solved is the first step in solving it.

There are a few different categories when it comes to therapy in general. Counsellors fall into one of four main categories: behaviour therapy, cognitive therapy, counselling, or psychotherapy.

None of them is better than the other and each of them can lead to the effect that is being wanted, namely inner peace and happiness...

July 28, 2017,  Exercise, Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Life, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Limiting Feelings, Limiting Beliefs and Limiting Behaviours

There are various ways to relieve yourself from a script and a game your mind is used to playing. Many of these are therapeutic which includes many different techniques and practices. In the USA there are about 450 registered associations that offer different help for limiting beliefs, behaviours, and feelings. These three combine to create the scripts we live our lives by.

“Limiting” here means something that holds you back, restricting you from living a truly happy life. It refers to an old way of being that is no longer useful in your life. Feelings, beliefs, and behaviours based on negative past experiences can all be limiting if held onto.

In therapy, you get an opportunity to review those limitations and make changes so tha...