Couples Counselling Without a Couple

Couples Counselling Without a CouplePeople often wonder whether Couples Counselling works when one partner isn’t present at the counselling session. Absolutely, yes, it works. If one of the partners change, then the other will respond to the changes. Of course, this does not guarantee positive change or that the relationship will work out, but it does start changing the situation from its current, unsatisfying state.

Breaking the zone of comfort is stepping away from a zone of a relationship that is going nowhere and achieving nothing. Staying in what seems to be the comfort zone, you may be surprised to hear, is hard to maintain as it is not comfortable at all. Holding the decisions taken to move away from what is familiar and comfortable can be even harder. But if able to be sustained, it will provide an outcome that can be nothing but positive.

The Change Triangle

In this diagram, which you will find in detail in my book, you will see each of the approaches to change represented by a point on the Change Triangle. A change at any one point influences and creates a change at every other point. Thus, a change in behaviour brings change in thoughts and feelings; a change in your thinking brings change in behaviour and feelings, and a change in feelings brings change in behaviour and thoughts.

In the centre of the Change Triangle is a fourth dimension to bring about change: your underlying values, attitudes, and beliefs about yourself and others. These must change if a change at every other point is to be lasting and permanent.

Although many people believe that applying “fake it ‘til you make it” is enough to elicit change, I believe that unless and until you change your underlying values, attitudes, and beliefs, no change at any other point can be sustained for the long term.

Couples Counselling Without a Couple

One of the most important things in the process, of course, is honesty, which should go both ways – with yourself and with your partner. It is important that the goals, needs, and objectives are clear and both partners are respected individuals within the relationship.

It sounds like a business plan or a weight loss program, but really both partners need to organize their together time and their individual time in such a way, so it serves the best for the relationship and the self.

This may be a process developed over time and it is pretty much acquired by negotiation. A relationship that endures takes time to create, including the time you spend together playing, planning, and just being. Maybe the change will require giving up on some comfort which leads to a positive change in the other person leading to a happier self and relationship.

Experiencing unfamiliar thoughts and feelings are most likely to appear as you change some of your behaviours and work to better understand yourself and how you can contribute to improving your relationship. In general, the relationship should be treated under the values and rules of “the big picture” terms or simply for the long-term goals in order to create a satisfying and enduring relationship.

Effort and patience are required from both members of a couple to make sustainable, long-term improvements. And during the whole time, it is also very important to keep your mind oriented towards what you can do for the other person and not on what they should be doing for you.

Everyone can create the relationship they think they deserve by simply thinking and behaving the way that resembles what it is they want.

To the wonder of you,




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