December 10, 2014,
Relationship 
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There is one question as old as the world and that is the question about the Principle of Attraction. One theory is that this is based on people’s differences, and the other theory is that this is based on people’s similarities. Listening to the stories of couples coming to my counselling rooms, I get to hear various theories and explanations from them about what it was that attracted them in the first place.
The role of similarities and differences
This is what I believe about similarities and differences between individuals in relationships: while differences often attract us to another, in the long term, our similarities — areas of compatibility — keep us together.
So, I think that it is good for you — necessary even — to take a really close look at your partner to discover who he or she truly is. Learn from your partner as you acquire for yourself some of his or her good qualities. And by this way this should happen naturally as you review and recreate your own personal script.
Notice also the impact of your script and way of being on your partner.
If you are in a healthy relationship, not only will you do this naturally but maybe even consciously.
As you notice admirable things in your partner, you may decide that that is how you also want to be seen and therefore copy those behaviours until they become yours as well. It might be how he or she deals with a salesperson, or their kindness and generosity to people in distress.
I know that I have very consciously observed and copied my partner’s way of negotiating with others. I tend to want to get straight down to business but he has taught me that sometimes the most important thing to do first is to establish a connection with the other what we call rapport in counselling circles. I think that was really a great strategy he taught me and one which I now use myself professionally and personally.
This is what I mean by “becoming more like your partner.” If you love and admire your partner, you probably want to be more like him or her. And as you become more similar, it’s natural then that you’ll come to like your partner even more as well.
How exactly do we change within a healthy relationship?
The changes you make in yourself as you progress through time in your relationship, however, do not tend to change your core personality. So if you are already a happy, serious, conservative, or outrageous person, you will probably still have those qualities.
As you acquire more good qualities as a consequence of your relationship with your partner, they also influence how you live in the future. You can then become the Victor you deserve to be.
While in this context I’m talking about positive qualities it can also be that you acquire their negative qualities as well which may actually result in you becoming more of a Victim or Visitor. For definitions of those terms you might need to check out some of my earlier articles.
Modern couple’s life is just so dynamic and quick that the time for analysis and evaluation is often limited. But this balance is a must for each couple. Similarities and differences between two partners having a healthy relationship will define the map of their future family life.
Please, comment and share the things you like most about your partner and the opposite – the things you don’t like about him/her. How do these two sides of the same person reflect on you and your relationship? Tell me more about your “heritage” from the person that brings you your morning coffee … and I do hope that is your everyday morning coffee!
To the wonder of you,
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