May 26, 2015,
Family, Relationship 
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 Have you ever heard this Indian song?
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If life is a theatre play we are playing the fourth act of our relationship – Recoupling. This song would be the most appropriate and most meaningful music background.The World is full of wonders and individuality is one of them. In finding ourselves, our own inner Universe, we have the real opportunity to share it with another human being and to mutually exchange feelings, emotions, and life.Nothing else matters now when two human beings find their way towards one another with the freedom to communicate independently and autonomously.This stage which I have called “Recoupling” is the moment when all the work up until now starts to bear the fruits of its efforts. This is the point where you can sincerely enjoy and be proud of everything you have achieved.
Recoupling as IndividualsStage 4 is for recoupling. The relationship between you is now reaching a critical stage as you learn about holding and nurturing your own individuality while holding and nurturing the individuality of your partner. Though there may still be many slip-ups and a sense of going back and forth, this is a time when a different kind of “we-ness” comes into being. It includes a deep respect for the existence of the two distinct “me’s” as you renegotiate who you can now be as a couple. Being in a Relationship Because You Truly Want ItIf you are able to successfully steer your way through the recoupling stage, you will feel much more supported than stifled in your relationship. You will hear fewer statements of “I need…” from your partner and more “I would like…” or “What I want from you is…” statements. This is because by now, you understand that you are not in the relationship because of your unmet needs, but that you are there because you truly want to be, and for no other reason. When your partner hears a “no” from you in response to a request, it will now more than likely be heard as an expression of who you are, rather than a harsh rejection of who he or she is. Similarly, a “no” from your partner just lets you know that he or she is thinking for him- or herself right now and can’t comply with your request. Consequently, during this stage, fewer difficult discussions turn into long-lasting battles because of increased tolerance of and respect for your differences. Every new challenge requires a new strategy and approach. If you enter “prepared” into the new situation, then you will find all its advantages and disadvantages after the very first steps walked. Be bold and search for a way to communicate with your partner on a significant level. Do not fill the room with nagging about your differences, but rather focus on the similarities and the willingness to communicate at a whole new level. Search for a way to express this willingness of yours. You may think of some common hobbies and interests that would make some more time for you as a couple, you may search for a seminar to attend together, a book to read together, or a movie to share with your partner. Do not underestimate all these small wonders of daily life. Now, at Stage 4: Recoupling, you are masters of communication within a relationship. State your own position and listen to the point of view of your partner. Discuss, exchange, create your own world together! Do you think you have reached Stage 4? I look forward to your letters to let me know why you think this and how you got there. |
To the wonder of you,
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