autonomy tagged posts

Why Couples Fight?

Why Couples Fight?

Adam and Emily had been in a relationship for two years and were contemplating marriage. The issue however was that they could never agree on anything and even less so when the conversation turned to how they might fulfill their marriage vows.

Adam was an only child growing up and was used to having most things he wanted without having to share with siblings. He was fun loving and ambitious and well-liked by his mates and work colleagues. Emily was the youngest of five children and so was used to speaking loudly to have her voice heard at all.

Adam and Emily met at a work function where they immediately “hit it off” and became great friends. It wasn’t long before they decided that because they were spending so much time at each other’s place they might as well move in together...

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Relationship Stage 4: Recoupling (When You Put “Relate” back into Relationship)

Relationship Stage 4: RecouplingHave you ever heard this Indian song?

You will start to love your life again my friend
and that is all, there’s nothing more to say
singing hey lay oh hey
singing hey lay oh ha

If life is a theatre play we are playing the fourth act of our relationship – Recoupling. This song would be the most appropriate and most meaningful music background.The World is full of wonders and individuality is one of them. In finding ourselves, our own inner Universe, we have the real opportunity to share it with another human being and to mutually exchange feelings, emotions, and life.Nothing else matters now when two human beings find their way towards one another with the freedom to communicate independently and autonomously...
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Challenges for Couples in Relationship Stage 3

Challenges for Couples in Relationship Stage 3

The principal challenge for couples in Relationship Stage 3

The principal challenge for couples in Relationship Stage 3 is to develop an even stronger personal identity and sense of self than each had before meeting—one that is separate from the relationship, while not so separate that the partners lose sight of each other. Each member of the couple gets involved again in career, hobbies, and/or interests in community activities independently of the partner. This stage is also about spending time with other friends and in other activities, reactivating and consolidating the development of one’s self-esteem, friendships, and personal interests.

Let me share with you one of the most common mistakes couples make while rediscovering their boundaries...

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Stage 3: Rediscovering Yourself

Rediscovering YourselfI like the analogy between the relationship and the Chinese Yin Yang symbol. Similarities are obvious at several levels. The male and female beginning is represented by the black and white colours. If we look at the symbol of the circle and infinity, we will see that these two individualities are brilliantly combined in a whole. And translated into the language of our partnership, Yin and Yang are two separate identities bound together in an eternal union. From the point of view of the inner-couple relations, the key accent here is the numbers two and one. The difference in the sequence of the numbers in this case is of fundamental significance.

Rediscovering Your Boundaries: Where, Exactly, Do I Begin and End?

Therefore, this stage is about you moving from an undifferentiated “we” back to...

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Relationship Stage 2: Rediscovering the Differences That Make the Difference

Differences That Make The Difference

You wake up one morning only to find out that you are lying in your own bed with a complete stranger next to you. And then you ask yourself how to find the differences in this picture – from yesterday and today. Is it some kind of joke? You might be able to guess that I’m describing the “waking up” after the blissful sleep that was the honeymoon.

And even if the first stage lasted for a whole calendar year, waking up is simply an inevitable end to a time of precious sleep. Alas, even the strongest coffee cannot sober you up after you’ve made that jump into the new reality.

Let me share with you – the same happens with all couples all around the world, always and without a miss. Accept this new step as the time when we need to accept the statement:

Differences deserve to be rec...

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