Playing Out I Am Not OK and You Are Not OK

January 28, 2015,  Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

How each of the Game Positions Plays Out I Am Not OK and You Are Not OK

Every year the Academy presents the Award for Best Motion Picture – Drama or Serial distinguished by exclusive audience interest. In real life, however, there is no Academy to present us with awards for the roles we play. But we make every endeavour to fight for that Oscar, creating inappropriate relationships, where we often find ourselves telling our partner: “I Am Not OK”. People love the drama genre, and that is not only in movies, books, and serials, but in their own personal life as well.

Here are the three main characters and their view of life in their real life movies.

The Aggressor: I Am Not OK

Aggressors are not OK, and for them, no one else can be OK either. They need someone Helpless to persecute. The Aggressors hope in putting someone else down is as a vain attempt to feel a little better themselves. And as this is only ever for just a moment generally their harassment becomes more frequent and intense. However, at some level they really do know the truth: that this momentary boost is usually only acquired through someone else’s fear of what might happen if they don’t give in to the Aggressor.

The Helpless: I Am Not OK

The Helpless is also not OK. The world is always mistreating them. They can’t have anyone else OK, either, since they would be forced to be aware that they could respond differently or that someone might be able to help them if they could only find the courage to ask. Helpless people really struggle with the idea that they are not alone when they fear someone or that they actually have the power to stop it — either by standing up and saying “No more!” to the tormenter, or by employing someone who can do it on their behalf.

The Martyr: I Am Not OK

And Martyrs are not OK, either. They need to be needed and feel they have no purpose in life if they are not doing something for someone else. Of course, they cannot have anyone else OK, either—there would be no one to need them, and then who would they be? How would they then define themselves if not as everyone’s right-hand?

And I do understand you, if by any chance, you find all described above familiar. I can guess that all you can hear yourself screaming from the inside out is the phrase: “I Am Not OK! What should I do now to get out of all this?”

Pay close attention to the relations between the main characters in any  movie and this will shed light on your thoughts.

The Aggressor seeks out a Helpless to bully, yet the Martyr seeks out a Helpless to rescue. The Helpless in turn seeks out Aggressors to bully them or Martyrs to rescue them. This fulfils the Helpless script beliefs that this is simply how life is to be for them. And the Martyr seeks out a Helpless to rescue while subconsciously never really wanting to make that happen in their desire to keep the Helpless forever dependent on them.

Indeed, anyone who assumes these roles as a principal game position wouldn’t know what their life purpose would be if they abandoned them. This keeps them fixed in the games they play, and they continue to feel unsatisfied and unloved, which is what their scripts would dictate is their lot in life.

I am looking forward to reading your letters. I will be honoured to hear your thoughts on the above, and your opinion of the way you cope with your own “drama movie”. I will do my best as a therapist to encourage and help you. And if at least once today you find yourself telling yourself: “I Am Not OK”, then start challenging that limiting thinking right this moment and bring the changes to your life that you deserve.

To the wonder of you,

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