Detecting Games in the Relationship

Detecting Games in the Relationship - The Story of Lyn and JamesThe Story of Lyn and James

“Lyn” and “James” have been married for ten years and have three children. When they first met, Lyn had just left school. James was fifteen years older and had already been in the workforce for some time.

At the time they met Lyn still lived at home, while James had his own place. Lyn looked up to James for support and guidance and he was able to be that at a time when Lyn was still new to adult relationships and adulthood generally.

Lyn was still somewhat naïve, so she allowed James to advise her in exactly how she was to act as his wife and even what she should be like as a person.

Then things changed.

Lyn grew up and started to have opinions of her own. But whenever she attempted to express them they had a disagreement. James bullied Lyn into accepting his and for a time Lyn complied because she believed that James knew better.

But as time went by disagreements escalated in intensity and in frequency as Lyn became more vocal and James, unable to accept Lyn’s growing independence, did whatever he could to quash it.

This is a very typical outcome of such a situation and probably for some people will be easy to understand what game is being played. As it is an example taken from everyday life it might seem difficult to understand what roles and games are being played, or if there are multiple roles that are being played.

But it is obvious that James, maybe because he is older, wants to have the control, the leading role in his relationship with Lyn. And all this at a time when she needs to feel herself more free and to have her own space and opinion to live her life according to her inner needs.

In the beginning of their relationship both liked the roles each one had in the relationship, but when time passes by, and people change, there’s always a chance at some point that the parties will feel the need to be someone else, to grow and to pursue different ways.

Detecting Games

Sometimes we unwittingly follow a path from the past and simply stick with what we know to do and to be the best. However, through different experiences people change their values, and invariably we change too. And similarly we can also change the way we play games.

The techniques of detecting games that others play also need to vary and change.

Sometimes the game can be detected way before it’s even played, but only if you think ahead of the circumstances, and of course, if you know your partner really well this should be even easier to detect.

Living with someone lets you get to know them the best and therefore you should be familiar with any facial expression, tone of voice or body language that can give you the clues that something is not OK here anymore. Like when solving any other issue you first have to localize it, or recognize it, in the case of came playing. You then will be able to either stop the game before it’s even started or reply to it from the perspective of the Winner’s Triangle.

Have a look at the next article for the different ways that Lyn could respond to James’s game invitations and think about how these might play out and what might be the best way for her to actually respond in coming from the Winner’s Triangle.

Let me know your thoughts on this and share it in comments.

To the wonder of you,

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