Category Fundamental Human Needs

March 1, 2017,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

Beth and Roger’s Games

The story of Beth and Roger may look superficial or like nothing is really happening and affecting their relationship, but if the situation is analysed and looked at more closely, a lot of underwater details appear and give some clues to something happening at a subconscious level not evident when looking at it consciously.

The problem occurs when one of their children doesn’t want to attend the other child’s birthday party. Beth gets upset and expects Roger to take care of her feelings and to console her, but he is unable to do it.

Questions immediately appear and some of them are: what is so distressing about this situation and why so and even more so what roles are both playing and why?

The truth is, as bystanders to the situation it seems that Beth and R...

January 11, 2017,  Exercise, Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

Life Is Not a TV Drama

Is it possible to live a drama free life? Is it necessary to have drama in our lives in order to feel balanced when it is over? Isn’t it easier to just exclude even the smallest possibility of turning a fly into an elephant? What make us create dramas in our lives when this is the thing we fear and dislike the most?

Look at the games the couples in our stories (The Story of Tamara and Alex, The Story of Vanessa and Mark, Vanessa and Mark (cont), Detecting Games in Relationships, Responding Assertively to Game Playing).

An Exercise

If you want you can challenge yourself: try imagining each game discussed as initiated by anyone, of either sex, and imagine how that game story might play out...

December 23, 2015,  Fundamental Human Needs, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

What does it really mean to be “OK”? Is there a formula that we need to follow to in order to be okay? When are we okay? Is it when we feel loved and respected, or when we feel someone needs us and that make us feel important? Is happiness something to fight for or it is something that comes to us when we’re done the battle with ourselves?

To sum it up – each of us is either predominantly OK with life and how it’s progressing, or not. I think you might be able to guess which is better. Victors live out a very clear “I’m OK and you’re OK” life script, while both Visitors and Victims live out a predominantly “I’m not OK, you’re not OK” life script.

Let’s look at this from the perspective of the Survivor’s Triangle.

The Aggressor

Aggressors are the bullies of...

November 12, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

What do kid’s thoughts hide?

Every child is an individual and unique in the eyes of his/her parents. But what happens when a child does not understand the actions of his/her own parents?

It is really important to understand that the child’s thinking pattern is different from that of an adult. Very young children can really only think in concrete terms. That is, to them, something only exists if it can be seen, and it only exists in one form. The expansion in thinking follows a developmental path just as physical growth does.

Emotional growth also follows a developmental path. A young child feels all their feelings intensely and without any real capacity to control them. Just imagine a child throwing a temper tantrum and what’s really going on for them...

November 5, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Script  No comments

Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim

In previous articles we took a closer look at the basic features of the three typologies of human behaviour, namely: Victor, Visitor or Victim. However, a small secret has remained unrevealed – Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim. I guess you are asking yourself why, despite willing to be Victors, we more and more often see ourselves as Visitors, and even worse for our ego – Victims. Where and how does our view of life transform? The answer, as usual, is short and very simple – within ourselves, in our views formed in early childhood.

And please, let me underline one more point here:

Visitors and Victims exist simply because survival is the prime concern for the child we all once were.

In the story of Alex and Tamara

August 4, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Script  No comments

I don’t think there is anyone who would question that “Actions Can Speak Louder than Words”. And if considered from an analytical point of view, we will come to the conclusion that XXI century communication – whether verbal or not – is extremely well developed. With each day the complexity of our language changes, as it evolves, being enriched with new meanings. We may conclude that communication is a process where people exchange information with each other. However, far be it for me to even think that words are the only instrument out there. Actions are their physical materialization. And that is why we say that actions can speak louder than words!

I invite you to pause your reading here and think for a moment about what all this really means for you...

June 27, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

What is the difference between a boy and a girl? Both sexes have just the same number of chromosomes – exactly twenty-two pairs. The twenty-third, however, is different for men and women.

This is the pair that contains the sex chromosomes that comes to determine whether we become male or female. Let’s see what happens after this. If there is a gene that determines our sex is that the same gene that determines the path of our life? Why is it that we recognize so often our parents’ reactions and words in a given situation to our own reactions and words in similar situations?

So, if Dad got mad when something went wrong, you might get mad and respond in the same way he did...

May 22, 2014,  Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

Each of us has passed through the flower market or nursery in our city filled with aromas of a variety of wonderful flowers. Step by step, while entering deeper into garden, we discover the beauty of nature collected in a single aroma, form, and shape.

Each plant is different from the others, just as each human is different, but we all have something in common and these are the layers that build our personalities. Just as flowers have petals covering the hearts of their stamens; our human essence is also built of layers of needs ending with the layer of our Spiritual Needs. Layer by layer we are walking towards the very peak of our own needs reaching the highest level: Spiritual Needs.
“Spiritual Needs” refer to the highest-order needs, those on the top rung of the ladder...

May 8, 2014,  Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

Let me start my story with one “delicious” and indisputable fact: the first candle on your child’s first birthday cake celebrates the start of the period known as “I Belong!” This is also the start of the process of formation of your child’s emotional belonging, as from this point forward all efforts exerted by your child shall be directed towards the very development of this fundamental step called “Love and Belonging Needs”.

And what do we know about those needs? These are the feelings that cause the most heated arguments and the most varied theories. Feeling loved is what ensures the survival and selection of humankind.

Because we all come into this world defenceless, it is love that helps us to survive...

May 1, 2014,  Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

How do you cope with those really intense emotions? And how do you cope with your children’s intense emotions? Do you try to crush them away before your children even realize them? Or do you provide your children with the opportunity of giving these emotions a name and understanding them?

Children, as any of you who are parents know, can feel everything intensely. And whether they like something or dislike something, you will most often get the message loud and clear.

But while children really feel their feelings, they don’t know how to name them or how to express them appropriately until they learn these things from their carers, in the first instance normally their parents...