November 25, 2014,
Family, Relationship, Script 
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You know how women describe the man of their dreams, don’t you? Women picture him as a handsome man emitting sex-appeal, having a sense of humour, showing his concern and just acting nicely, hard-working and dedicated…
Of course, there is no woman in this world that would state it aloud and consciously – I want him to be rude, despotic and inclined to violence. And “Vanessa” is just one of them, and so are you, and so am I. Each woman dreams to have a worthy partner by her side, one to share her life with.
Now let me tell you Vanessa’s story with “Mark”. They both, just like any other couple, were looking for answers. They were in search of their own selves and were ready to work for their relationship. That’s why they opened the door of my consulting room bravely and started sharing…
“Vanessa” and her husband “Mark” came into my practice a short time ago seeking couples counselling. They were both professionals and financially self-sufficient.
They had only known each other for a couple of months when Mark proposed and Vanessa, thinking she had found her knight in shining armour, readily accepted. They were eager to start a family as both had given so much of their adult lives to study and to their careers.
Sadly though becoming pregnant was taking longer than anticipated and in their frustration they had even made enquiries into undertaking IVF in the hope of becoming pregnant. In the meanwhile things were changing at home.
In our sessions Vanessa described Mark as being so gentle when they met; he had been everything she had ever wanted in a partner. However, one day, totally unexpectedly, he turned ugly. He became so angry that he scared her.
It seemed to have begun when Mark asked Vanessa to attend a function with him. It was going to be an important event. Vanessa originally accepted the invitation however on the day one of her own client’s jobs needed to be completed having reached the contract completion date.
Vanessa had to stay at work to finish the job and expressed her regret to Mark that he would have to attend the function on his own. Everything seemed fine until late that evening. Vanessa arrived home after Mark and as soon as she stepped into the house Mark let fly with a barrage of angry abuse. He said he needed her to be with him and that she didn’t care about him as she put her client ahead of him.
A couple of days later Mark apologised and they settled back down to their lives.
Then a few weeks later there was another outburst. Again Mark lashed out at Vanessa for some perceived wrong doing. Again after a couple of days things calmed down. And again Mark apologized as did Vanessa believing that maybe she was also in some way responsible.
As time passed there were more and more outbursts at increasingly shorter intervals over increasingly insignificant issues. This is where I came into the picture with both of them saying they wanted it different.
What are your thoughts about this couple?
Please, write to me and share your impressions of this couple. Why and how have they ended up here, what has changed since the day of their very first meeting up to the present day? Do you believe that “Mark” is the one to blame for the problems of this family, or do you believe that “Vanessa must also take some responsibility for what’s going on and Mark’s attitude towards her? It would be my pleasure to hear your point of view.
To the wonder of you,
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