real self tagged posts

December 23, 2014,  Games People Play, Script  No comments

As a little child we all played funny games where the die determined our luck and our eventual triumph at the final. Have you ever noticed that in a particular situation participants have different reactions to the way a game progresses. Some of them feel themselves to be the winners the very moment they take the dice, while others feel scared while playing at dice, and third are desperate feelings some have that this would be just another time they would not get a double six.

The more the players are, the more the reactions are. Just as in life, isn’t it? The games people play bring them joy, disappointment or pride.

Eric Berne and His Theory

Differently from the games like those above the life that you ultimately come to live, and all that you think, feel, say, and do in it, is for the ...

December 10, 2014,  Relationship  No comments

There is one question as old as the world and that is the question about the Principle of Attraction. One theory is that this is based on people’s differences, and the other theory is that this is based on people’s similarities. Listening to the stories of couples coming to my counselling rooms, I get to hear various theories and explanations from them about what it was that attracted them in the first place.

The role of similarities and differences

This is what I believe about similarities and differences between individuals in relationships: while differences often attract us to another, in the long term, our similarities — areas of compatibility — keep us together.

So, I think that it is good for you — necessary even — to take a really close look at your partner to discover who...

December 3, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

A Talk with Vanessa and Mark

The story of “Vanessa” and “Mark” that I recently shared with you is the story of a search for the point of intersection between two very different people with very different conflict management styles.

If you need a reminder of their story pop back and see the previous article where I first introduced you to them.

As you review their story you may be able to empathise with Vanessa and yet you may also understand what Mark is experiencing and be able to empathise with his experience as well. This life setting is as real as the stories of any couple you may know. It is unknown to some, but so painfully experienced by others.

This is a story of the “family secrets” – which we can, though sometimes not very successfully, manage to transfer from our pat...

November 25, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

You know how women describe the man of their dreams, don’t you? Women picture him as a handsome man emitting sex-appeal, having a sense of humour, showing his concern and just acting nicely, hard-working and dedicated…

Of course, there is no woman in this world that would state it aloud and consciously – I want him to be rude, despotic and inclined to violence. And “Vanessa” is just one of them, and so are you, and so am I. Each woman dreams to have a worthy partner by her side, one to share her life with.

Now let me tell you Vanessa’s story with “Mark”. They both, just like any other couple, were looking for answers. They were in search of their own selves and were ready to work for their relationship...

November 19, 2014,  Exercise, Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

Do you want to know more about what your script is telling you about what’s happening in your relationship? Look for the link below and complete this exercise.

Every couple has their own complex relationship. And that is what makes the balance between the couple sometimes so difficult to maintain.

However, as human nature would have it we are prone to embark again and again on new relationships, still believing and hoping that this time something magical will happen and it will be different.

I have shared many of my experiences with you and I have revealed the reasons for confrontations that happen between both partners...

November 5, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Script  No comments

Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim

In previous articles we took a closer look at the basic features of the three typologies of human behaviour, namely: Victor, Visitor or Victim. However, a small secret has remained unrevealed – Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim. I guess you are asking yourself why, despite willing to be Victors, we more and more often see ourselves as Visitors, and even worse for our ego – Victims. Where and how does our view of life transform? The answer, as usual, is short and very simple – within ourselves, in our views formed in early childhood.

And please, let me underline one more point here:

Visitors and Victims exist simply because survival is the prime concern for the child we all once were.

In the story of Alex and Tamara

October 15, 2014,  Family, Script  No comments

I have already spoken about Victors and Visitors. Now I want to talk about Victims. This is the life position of a person who never quite makes it. Who always seems to be left behind or misses out when something is being given out.

A Victim is simply a person for whom everything seems to go wrong (nothing ever seems to go right, either), and a person who thinks that everyone has it in for him or her.

Let me tell you a short story that takes place on a daily basis at any geographic point in the world. The telephone rings, a woman answers it and recognizes the voice of a friend of hers who lives with her husband and their three children in a big city.

After a brief greeting the women share with each other all their disappointments of their roles as mothers and wives, the insults and un...

October 8, 2014,  Family, Script  No comments

Every moment of life is unique. It is so hard to be able to become an Observer of your own life that sometimes we have the feeling that we see nothing, that something slips away, and that we do not live the life our dreams want for it.

However the truth is that the three main life positions “live” in all of us – the roles of Victors, Visitors or Victims. At different stages of our everyday lives, one of these roles may become dominant, and the other one steps back. However there will always be one position that will be more dominant throughout our life.

Let’s look at the category “Visitor” and find out the differences between this and the one already mentioned in a previous article; that of the “Victor”.

If you are a Visitor, you will set goals for yourself, just as a...

October 2, 2014,  Family, Script  No comments

The year is 1929. “Some Like It Hot”. A wonderful movie with a smile and a wink for every fan of good plots and splendid acting. The only reason why I invite you back to remember old movies is to share the magnetic intensity and the unforgettable hand of the title. Whatever the life, everybody likes it hot! And it is our own choice on whether or not we choose to live it out in one of the three roles of Victors, Visitors, and Victims.  Each role has its own, authentic hand.

Victors, Visitors, and Victims are the three principal life positions we live out in response to our life scripts. As we have discussed before the script is the driver, while the life position is how the script is presented to the world.

Life Positions and Goals

Before I go there let me take a little detour.

Y...

September 26, 2014,  Script  No comments

Do you have any idea what really happens once a product is ready to be marketed? A product is permitted onto the market only after a series of researches of conscious and unconscious decisions, the rational and irrational motives of customers, have been explored when it comes to what the consumer is looking for and what they are then willing to pay for it.

Why do we need all this? Does good analysis ensure the future of a given product? Short answer? Yes...