Five Ways to Respond to Game Playing

February 18, 2016,  Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

When you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is about to explode then it might be an indicator that you are being invited into a game. It might be something that someone else says or may be conveyed by a gesture, a look on their faces, by touch, or even by a period of silence.

When this happens you have several choices in considering the best response. Here are a few of them:

• Ignore it. Ignoring a problem or a situation usually doesn’t solve them, but when it comes to games of first degree this might appear to be the wiser reaction one could approach. When we ignore a game, especially in the first place, we give a chance to the other person to re-think his intention around game playing or creating a situation in which he will be playing a no win game even if not realizing it. Ignoring the game can also pause the conversation long enough to give the other person an opportunity to stop from saying or doing something that they may eventually come to regret. The other person may come to understand the possible damage this could cause the relationship by seeing and understanding a different perspective, just like when reading the same book twice.
• Confront it. Another way to respond to game playing is to confront it in some way. When you feel that you’re being provoked to play you may step up with a straightforward question of what the other person really means just in case you might be misreading them. This way you let them know that there is something that you need clarification for what’s being said. You can repeat the confronting response if necessary. Be aware though that being outspoken sometimes might be taken as an aggressive response especially if someone is expecting the outcome to be a third degree game.
• Play another game. This one seems to be work like a mirror. When invited to play a game and to react the exact same way as the other person, you can play another game instead. This works especially well with children and games that are being played at first or second degree. When you direct their attention to something else you make them forget what they were worried about in the first place and now the situation flips to turn the other way around and allows you to step out of the game you’ve been invited into in the first place.
• Play it harder. Similar to number 3, but in this case when invited to a game you just start playing it harder. If someone complains about something or being helpless you show them you’re even more helpless. This may work in situations where you are comparing something, like a problem for example and becomes a bit of mine is “bigger” than yours. Beware this response may not be the wisest one to use in third degree games.
• Stop playing. This response doesn’t mean you don’t care at all nor is it similar to the ignoring response. Stopping playing a game simply means stepping away from Survivor’s Triangle and stepping into the Winner’s Triangle. This way you accept your own vulnerability and respond assertively from a place of caring. For example, if you feel that someone is nervous and angry and has an want for a conflict, instead of picking up their emotion you can react by caring, acting like a person from the Winner’s Triangle. This hopefully will eventually lead them to feel like someone really does care for them and could prevent the game’s outcome escalating another degree leading to even more angst for the people involved.

You might realize as you read these that the first 4 responses are fraught with danger. By far the best way to respond to any game really is simply to not get into in the first place. That means you have to stay clearly on the Winners Triangle and respond in a clear assertive, caring and in full awareness of how you are responding and what the consequences of that is likely to be. Sometimes it can simply be the difference between knowing when to speak up and knowing when to be quiet.

Does this now make it clearer from the previous article about Lyn and James as to how she should best respond to James’ game playing. Let me know your thoughts and if you get stuck on this also let me know and I’ll make it clearer in a future article.

To the wonder of you,

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