Creating Change Through Counselling (Part 2)

Golf and Other Games People Play

Finding compassion for people and situations you hadn’t imagined you would is a good way to free yourself from any past hurts and things that are holding you back. Forgiveness and a balanced and considered reaction to mistreatment can actually win the “game”.

Let me explain this with an example. Jon (made up person) is playing a game of golf at the club with three people he had not played with before. He is certainly the new kid on the block and is feeling every bit of it. They are playing for a competition and he is basically tagging along for a bit of fun. He’d decided some time ago that enjoying a game of golf for him is more about being outdoors and being in the fresh air in beautiful parkland rather than about any need to compete. Anyway, he feels that he is well-matched to his companions and he is feeling comfortable in their company.

However, Jon still gets the message that he is not entirely welcome there. This is made obvious when they are arguing the rules and reminding him of the need to “move along”. At first, as a normal reaction, he gets annoyed and even contemplated leaving the course. Then he pauses and takes a look within himself as to what is going on for him. This is a very important moment which many people somehow skip through when in a similar situation and end up reacting impulsively rather than thoughtfully. This may be due to an old script belief such as “this always happens to me or “my needs are not important so I can’t say anything”. In this case, Jon has nothing better to do but to remind himself that he has every bit a right to be there as they and give himself a permission to let their comments pass him by without any response, as he chooses.

What Changes When You Look Inside

What happens when you choose to ignore any kind of bad behaviour towards you? If you return to your state of peace and joy at some point you will begin to enjoy the game even better and as well the unpleasant company. If the pressure is released by one of the sides it balances the behaviour of the other side too.

What happens is simply that when you cease responding the other side will cease attempting to initiate another kind of game (the script-driven kind). The important thing in this type of situations is to not let other people’s negative words and actions get you. Forgiveness is the first thing that could save the feelings. And this is like a self-therapy where you forgive the person for how they acted and try to get in their shoes and contemplate what’s going on for them. Maybe they are tired or stressed and their behaviour really has nothing to do with you unless you decide to make it so.

There are many Counsellors and Therapies and the model that works best for you to achieve the outcome you want will depend on your own personal choice. It’s important to speak with a therapist, just as you would with any specialist professional, to determine your comfort level with that person and that their way of working fits with you. Your choice of modality might actually matter less than your comfort with the Therapist. This is because all the various therapy models, if practiced well, can eventually lead to the same outcome: change at every level of your being and healing all your past hurts as you find forgiveness of yourself and others. This opens the way for you to embrace your future as you now want it to be.

Let me know your thoughts on this. Add your comments below and get into the conversation.

To the wonder of you,




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