December 23, 2014,  Games People Play, Script  No comments

As a little child we all played funny games where the die determined our luck and our eventual triumph at the final. Have you ever noticed that in a particular situation participants have different reactions to the way a game progresses. Some of them feel themselves to be the winners the very moment they take the dice, while others feel scared while playing at dice, and third are desperate feelings some have that this would be just another time they would not get a double six.

The more the players are, the more the reactions are. Just as in life, isn’t it? The games people play bring them joy, disappointment or pride.

Eric Berne and His Theory

Differently from the games like those above the life that you ultimately come to live, and all that you think, feel, say, and do in it, is for the ...

December 18, 2014,  Relationship, Script  No comments

Recently I was having dinner with my friends in one of our local restaurants, far away from the noise of the city. At the table next to us another company of friends were enjoying their Saturday while having a good feed drinking fine wine and sharing stories. Suddenly their conversation turned to the methods for choosing a partner to spend one’s life with.

I couldn’t help extending my ear to them. This was a true niggling for my experience as a therapist. What were these love couples thinking of love, their relationships, and of life in general?

What I discovered was that they were each very strongly in favour of their opinion and were clearly in support of one of two positions: The first one defended their thesis that love was chemistry, and the second one – that love was somehow pre-o...

December 10, 2014,  Relationship  No comments

There is one question as old as the world and that is the question about the Principle of Attraction. One theory is that this is based on people’s differences, and the other theory is that this is based on people’s similarities. Listening to the stories of couples coming to my counselling rooms, I get to hear various theories and explanations from them about what it was that attracted them in the first place.

The role of similarities and differences

This is what I believe about similarities and differences between individuals in relationships: while differences often attract us to another, in the long term, our similarities — areas of compatibility — keep us together.

So, I think that it is good for you — necessary even — to take a really close look at your partner to discover who...

December 3, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

A Talk with Vanessa and Mark

The story of “Vanessa” and “Mark” that I recently shared with you is the story of a search for the point of intersection between two very different people with very different conflict management styles.

If you need a reminder of their story pop back and see the previous article where I first introduced you to them.

As you review their story you may be able to empathise with Vanessa and yet you may also understand what Mark is experiencing and be able to empathise with his experience as well. This life setting is as real as the stories of any couple you may know. It is unknown to some, but so painfully experienced by others.

This is a story of the “family secrets” – which we can, though sometimes not very successfully, manage to transfer from our pat...

November 25, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

You know how women describe the man of their dreams, don’t you? Women picture him as a handsome man emitting sex-appeal, having a sense of humour, showing his concern and just acting nicely, hard-working and dedicated…

Of course, there is no woman in this world that would state it aloud and consciously – I want him to be rude, despotic and inclined to violence. And “Vanessa” is just one of them, and so are you, and so am I. Each woman dreams to have a worthy partner by her side, one to share her life with.

Now let me tell you Vanessa’s story with “Mark”. They both, just like any other couple, were looking for answers. They were in search of their own selves and were ready to work for their relationship...

November 19, 2014,  Exercise, Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

Do you want to know more about what your script is telling you about what’s happening in your relationship? Look for the link below and complete this exercise.

Every couple has their own complex relationship. And that is what makes the balance between the couple sometimes so difficult to maintain.

However, as human nature would have it we are prone to embark again and again on new relationships, still believing and hoping that this time something magical will happen and it will be different.

I have shared many of my experiences with you and I have revealed the reasons for confrontations that happen between both partners...

November 18, 2014,  Events  No comments

Click on the flyer to see it in full size.
If you would like to attend please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the seminar”.

November 12, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

What do kid’s thoughts hide?

Every child is an individual and unique in the eyes of his/her parents. But what happens when a child does not understand the actions of his/her own parents?

It is really important to understand that the child’s thinking pattern is different from that of an adult. Very young children can really only think in concrete terms. That is, to them, something only exists if it can be seen, and it only exists in one form. The expansion in thinking follows a developmental path just as physical growth does.

Emotional growth also follows a developmental path. A young child feels all their feelings intensely and without any real capacity to control them. Just imagine a child throwing a temper tantrum and what’s really going on for them...

November 5, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Script  No comments

Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim

In previous articles we took a closer look at the basic features of the three typologies of human behaviour, namely: Victor, Visitor or Victim. However, a small secret has remained unrevealed – Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim. I guess you are asking yourself why, despite willing to be Victors, we more and more often see ourselves as Visitors, and even worse for our ego – Victims. Where and how does our view of life transform? The answer, as usual, is short and very simple – within ourselves, in our views formed in early childhood.

And please, let me underline one more point here:

Visitors and Victims exist simply because survival is the prime concern for the child we all once were.

In the story of Alex and Tamara

October 27, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

Once upon a time there was a prince and a princess from a faraway kingdom. I love nice stories that end with happy ever after but this is not always the way it works out.

Here is the story of Alex and Tamara who are struggling with their relationship now. A relationship that is going to require them to make some decisions about their future if they want to get to “happy ever after”.

As you read their story don’t judge them harshly. I’ll explain why later.

Does this sound a bit like you or someone you know?

“Tamara” and “Alex” met each other when they were both seventeen and still at school. They married when they were twenty. They live in a modest home in the suburbs with their son...