life tagged posts

Stage 2 of the Relationship: Rediscovering The Differences That Make The Difference

The second relationship stage that normal, healthy couples pass through is one of rediscovering their differences and managing the uneasiness that comes with it. Despite what you believed in Stage 1, there really are differences between you. These deserve to be recognized and celebrated.

Eventually, as each of you begins to reemerge from the couple bubble that first encapsulated you, differences between you begin to surface and expose themselves more clearly.

Parts of you or your partner that may have been quiet or unrecognized begin to emerge. The three D’s—disenchantment, disillusionment, and disappointment, arise as you now become more aware of each other’s imperfections—maybe even for the first time.

And as the Honeymoon concludes and replaced with some disillusion...

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The Games People Play

The life that you ultimately come to live, and all that you think, feel, say, and do in it, is for the most part lived out subconsciously through the psychological games you play, and which are especially evident in your relationships.

Games are subconsciously created, subconsciously driven, and subconsciously played out. They are the outward expression, played out in your relationships, of the inwardly held set of beliefs that define your script.

Eric Berne, the same person who developed script theory, proposed that we play these psychological games for one reason only: as a way to find confirmation or validation for our deeply held values and beliefs about ourselves and about others: our life script.

To clarify this further, let’s refer back to the life positions Victor, Vi...

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Similarities And Differences Between Individuals In Relationships

This is what I believe about similarities and differences between individuals in relationships: while differences often attract us to another, in the long term, our similarities—areas of compatibility— keep us together.

So, I think that it is good for you—necessary, even—to take a really close look at your partner to discover who he or she truly is. Learn from your partner as you acquire for yourself some of his or her good qualities as you review and recreate your own personal script. Notice also the impact of your script on your partner.

Similarities in ideas, goals, and lifestyle preferences make for a happy and enduring long-term relationship.

If you are in a healthy relationship, you will actually do this naturally (sometimes consciously and sometimes not)...

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