conscious decisions tagged posts

January 14, 2016,  Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

We need to spice up our life every now and then and, as my husband and I so often do, we play teasing games with each other. But when do games that are played in jest become something more serious game with a negative consequence for the relationship? And how do we tell them apart?

In the Survivor’s triangle each of the “game-players” play and respond differently and express themselves differently as their emotional state dictates from time to time.

There are three degrees of games though all games can be placed somewhere on a continuum according to how each person experiences it. In addition the outcome for the relationship will also be affected depending on the perspective of each “player”.

First Degree Games

First Degree Games are generally pretty harmless and people might eve...

January 6, 2016,  Family, Relationship  No comments

Your memory stores all kinds of information from your life’s experiences. We make sense of those events, attach them to other events as we deem appropriate and store them, no matter how trivial they might seem, somewhere for future reference as needed.

You might surprise yourself by how much trivia you seem to have stored that just pops up, seemingly from nowhere, from time to time while at other times we just can’t seem to access some basic stuff that we really need at that moment, like where did you leave your keys or wallet.

Within our subconscious minds different layers keep information with different levels of importance, age, intensity and impact. Each kept unconsciously within us and differently from the others.

It is amazing that actually everything you have ever experienced ev...

October 18, 2015,  Exercise, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

When you look at the solution to a problem from a different perspective then everything gets easier. Child’s play really.

If you imagine two adults who are playing tic-tac-toe and are competing for the win you are going to see the big picture as if from a bird’s eye view.

Let’s accept for a moment that the game is a dispute. I put an “x”, my partner puts an “o” and we continue like this one after another. The tension is getting stronger. Who is going to win? At some point my partner puts his “o” and draws a smile. I smile back, I accept the dispute from its amusing angle and I understand that my partner’s intentions towards me are positive.

I quickly grasp the wink. A game or a dispute, call it whatever you want...

August 24, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

There is an old children’s game known all around the world called “hide-and-seek”. No matter where you are geographically you might find differences in the name but not in the rules of the game. They are very simple: one kid counts to 10 while standing still, and without looking, while the rest of the kids run around to hide. Then the kid that has been counting so far must find the others. The last one to remain hidden and reach the starting point while saying “not found” wins.

This game looks a lot like the relationships of couples in conflict except instead of one staying and counting they both run away in order to hide from the other.

What do we notice then? We notice the lack of a dialogue of the point in dispute. This is far from playing, or “fighting”, fair.

But what is ...

August 6, 2015,  Family, Relationship  No comments

Do you remember the movie “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”? It was a battle of characters, personalities and one upmanship. Do you remember Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in this amazing battle of wills filled with lies, deception, lots of bullets and fast cars, and the scent of a roasted meat, red wine and a few candles?

At some moments the couple were very pleasant to each other while at others they were vicious. Does the theme of this movie sound familiar? Is this a theme that is evident in your relationships? If so read on as I address how to deal with these conflicts.

By the way it is so important that you do deal with these conflicts and the sooner the better.

Why? Simply because if you don’t they can damage you and your relationship and leave a lasting scar that may never be fully recovera...

June 10, 2015,  Events  No comments

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If you would like to attend the free presentation please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the free presentation”.

Some excerpts from my workshops.

May 15, 2015,  Events  No comments

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If you would like to attend the seminar please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the seminar”.

Some excerpts from my workshops.

May 13, 2015,  Family, Relationship  No comments

The principal challenge for couples in Relationship Stage 3

The principal challenge for couples in Relationship Stage 3 is to develop an even stronger personal identity and sense of self than each had before meeting—one that is separate from the relationship, while not so separate that the partners lose sight of each other. Each member of the couple gets involved again in career, hobbies, and/or interests in community activities independently of the partner. This stage is also about spending time with other friends and in other activities, reactivating and consolidating the development of one’s self-esteem, friendships, and personal interests.

Let me share with you one of the most common mistakes couples make while rediscovering their boundaries...

April 8, 2015,  Relationship  No comments

You wake up one morning only to find out that you are lying in your own bed with a complete stranger next to you. And then you ask yourself how to find the differences in this picture – from yesterday and today. Is it some kind of joke? You might be able to guess that I’m describing the “waking up” after the blissful sleep that was the honeymoon.

And even if the first stage lasted for a whole calendar year, waking up is simply an inevitable end to a time of precious sleep. Alas, even the strongest coffee cannot sober you up after you’ve made that jump into the new reality.

Let me share with you – the same happens with all couples all around the world, always and without a miss. Accept this new step as the time when we need to accept the statement:

Differences deserve to be rec...

February 26, 2015,  Events  No comments

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Are You Thinking About Separation Or Divorce?