communication tagged posts

December 23, 2015,  Fundamental Human Needs, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

What does it really mean to be “OK”? Is there a formula that we need to follow to in order to be okay? When are we okay? Is it when we feel loved and respected, or when we feel someone needs us and that make us feel important? Is happiness something to fight for or it is something that comes to us when we’re done the battle with ourselves?

To sum it up – each of us is either predominantly OK with life and how it’s progressing, or not. I think you might be able to guess which is better. Victors live out a very clear “I’m OK and you’re OK” life script, while both Visitors and Victims live out a predominantly “I’m not OK, you’re not OK” life script.

Let’s look at this from the perspective of the Survivor’s Triangle.

The Aggressor

Aggressors are the bullies of...

December 17, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

All Psychological Games get played from one of three positions. These can be seen in action on the Survivor’s Triangle.

I call it the “Survivor’s Triangle,” because, while games are destructive, you play them in response to whatever you were taught, or decided, as a child. It was the way you learned to survive in your family and in society.

As well when you are a child you ‘by default’ need to be taken care of, to be helped and pampered because you are a tiny and weak creature. You simply need to survive as a child biologically and later on emotionally so you naturally do whatever you need to ensure that happens.

Survival or Imprisonment?

Each of the triangle’s corners represents one of the three stances that someone might take in a game...

November 4, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

One thing is certain – human relationships are a complicated maze that has no entry or exit signs. It’s as if we start a relationship with our eyes closed, groping our way to the entrance of the maze but without a clear vision. We have no map or knowledge of how long it will take us to reach the point of “living happily ever after”.

There are some couples that accept the challenges, but there are also those who prefer to play it “safe”, or even leave when it starts to get hard just to end up in the same place in their next relationship. This becomes a way of avoiding the difficult situations or solving the serious problems that have become part of their relationships and indeed which are part of all relationships.

Eric Berne, who first developed game theory, defines games as “…an ongoin...

October 18, 2015,  Exercise, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

When you look at the solution to a problem from a different perspective then everything gets easier. Child’s play really.

If you imagine two adults who are playing tic-tac-toe and are competing for the win you are going to see the big picture as if from a bird’s eye view.

Let’s accept for a moment that the game is a dispute. I put an “x”, my partner puts an “o” and we continue like this one after another. The tension is getting stronger. Who is going to win? At some point my partner puts his “o” and draws a smile. I smile back, I accept the dispute from its amusing angle and I understand that my partner’s intentions towards me are positive.

I quickly grasp the wink. A game or a dispute, call it whatever you want...

October 11, 2015,  Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Body language, power of words, facial expression, position of the hands, waving of the hair – what do all of these mean to you when transferred into everyday communication? Is the reading of every gesture part of effective communication between people? Is it non-verbal language? I am asking myself, isn’t this the key to Relationship Rules for Effective Communication?

Of course, my experience as well as all of the big books written on this topic prove that each gesture or movement of our bodies expresses our inner condition in a moment of conversation, in a moment of a dispute, or even in a moment when we say “I love you” to our partner.

In order to be a good converser and listener at the same time you need to acquire a few simple skills and mostly you have to learn to read the code o...

September 1, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Do you know this feeling? You are angry. You want to throw yourself at your partner both physically and verbally. You want to show them how much they are wrong and how right you are with all your strength.

There is no need to answer me because everyone who has contemplated fighting fair knows what I am talking about. If we behave that way there will be no relationship left. Right?

We will be like some primitive people who cannot converse but also have never heard of communication, conversation and rules. I will share with you what I do in such situations and in this way I will present to you:

Relationship Rules for Effective Communication

First, when I feel stressed, I take whatever time I need to compose myself while looking for the most effective way to share what I want to say with the...