Category Fundamental Human Needs

And If Parents “Don’t Have Enough Love” for Both Children?

And if they don't have ... ?

What do kid’s thoughts hide?

Every child is an individual and unique in the eyes of his/her parents. But what happens when a child does not understand the actions of his/her own parents?

It is really important to understand that the child’s thinking pattern is different from that of an adult. Very young children can really only think in concrete terms. That is, to them, something only exists if it can be seen, and it only exists in one form. The expansion in thinking follows a developmental path just as physical growth does.

Emotional growth also follows a developmental path. A young child feels all their feelings intensely and without any real capacity to control them. Just imagine a child throwing a temper tantrum and what’s really going on for them...

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Why We Choose To Be A Victor, Visitor Or Victim – A Closer Look At Childhood

A Closer Look At Childhood

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Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim

In previous articles we took a closer look at the basic features of the three typologies of human behaviour, namely: Victor, Visitor or Victim. However, a small secret has remained unrevealed – Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim. I guess you are asking yourself why, despite willing to be Victors, we more and more often see ourselves as Visitors, and even worse for our ego – Victims. Where and how does our view of life transform? The answer, as usual, is short and very simple – within ourselves, in our views formed in early childhood.

And please, let me underline one more point here:

Visitors and Victims exist simply because survival is the prime concern for the child we all once were.

In the story of Alex and Tamara

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Actions Can Speak Louder Than Words

What are we looking at?I don’t think there is anyone who would question that “Actions Can Speak Louder than Words”. And if considered from an analytical point of view, we will come to the conclusion that XXI century communication – whether verbal or not – is extremely well developed. With each day the complexity of our language changes, as it evolves, being enriched with new meanings. We may conclude that communication is a process where people exchange information with each other. However, far be it for me to even think that words are the only instrument out there. Actions are their physical materialization. And that is why we say that actions can speak louder than words!

I invite you to pause your reading here and think for a moment about what all this really means for you...

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Dad Gets Mad and Mom Gets Sad

parents and childWhat is the difference between a boy and a girl? Both sexes have just the same number of chromosomes – exactly twenty-two pairs. The twenty-third, however, is different for men and women.

This is the pair that contains the sex chromosomes that comes to determine whether we become male or female. Let’s see what happens after this. If there is a gene that determines our sex is that the same gene that determines the path of our life? Why is it that we recognize so often our parents’ reactions and words in a given situation to our own reactions and words in similar situations?

So, if Dad got mad when something went wrong, you might get mad and respond in the same way he did...

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The Fifth Step: Spiritual Needs

SwansCygnus olor edit3Each of us has passed through the flower market or nursery in our city filled with aromas of a variety of wonderful flowers. Step by step, while entering deeper into garden, we discover the beauty of nature collected in a single aroma, form, and shape.

Each plant is different from the others, just as each human is different, but we all have something in common and these are the layers that build our personalities. Just as flowers have petals covering the hearts of their stamens; our human essence is also built of layers of needs ending with the layer of our Spiritual Needs. Layer by layer we are walking towards the very peak of our own needs reaching the highest level: Spiritual Needs.
“Spiritual Needs” refer to the highest-order needs, those on the top rung of the ladder...

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The Fourth Step: Love and Belonging Needs

Happy couple embracing and laughingLet me start my story with one “delicious” and indisputable fact: the first candle on your child’s first birthday cake celebrates the start of the period known as “I Belong!” This is also the start of the process of formation of your child’s emotional belonging, as from this point forward all efforts exerted by your child shall be directed towards the very development of this fundamental step called “Love and Belonging Needs”.

And what do we know about those needs? These are the feelings that cause the most heated arguments and the most varied theories. Feeling loved is what ensures the survival and selection of humankind.

Because we all come into this world defenceless, it is love that helps us to survive...

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The Third Step – Feeling Needs

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How do you cope with those really intense emotions? And how do you cope with your children’s intense emotions? Do you try to crush them away before your children even realize them? Or do you provide your children with the opportunity of giving these emotions a name and understanding them?

Children, as any of you who are parents know, can feel everything intensely. And whether they like something or dislike something, you will most often get the message loud and clear.

But while children really feel their feelings, they don’t know how to name them or how to express them appropriately until they learn these things from their carers, in the first instance normally their parents...

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The Second Step: Safety Needs

7 of 365 ~ TogetherAs a child grows and has their physical needs met, there is also a fundamental need to feel safe from harm – physically and emotionally. “Safety” here means the knowledge that someone – your parents when you were a child, and your partner when you are in an adult relationship – will always be there for you. You need to feel that this person will always be a “soft place” on whom to fall when you need someone the most, but also in good times as well as in times of distress.

As with all of these fundamental needs, this need remains the same throughout life.

Safety Needs may also be described with an extremely efficient metaphor: safety is just as feeling hungry – the way one cannot feel partially hungry, the same way each of us cannot feel partially safe.

Safety Needs is not just th...

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The First Important Step: The Physical Needs

Ojas's Second Official ShootAs a Relationship Counselor, Coach and Therapist, I have learned that there are several fundamental human needs that we all need to have a happy life. I have already written about them collectively in my article “Five “Secret” Keys to Create Your Own Fairy Tale”.

These fundamental human needs are like staircase steps – all five steps exist in unity and harmony.

The very first of these steps is for the Physical Needs to be met. Let me go into a little more detail about this first step.

As a newborn baby, your very existence depended on your parents touching you in a loving way. It might surprise you to know that this was just as important as the food they gave you.

In the first few days after a baby is born, and before the mother’s milk “comes in,” the baby discovers the mother thro...

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Five “Secret” Keys to Create Your Own Fairy Tale

Imagine that the postman brings you mail consisting of an envelope with sender “Change” and your name proudly sticking out as a recipient. You go back home, open the envelope with bated breath, and discover a ticket waiting for you inside. The flight destination is your own personal happiness, and the departure day is TODAY!

How many steps do you actually need to reach your happiness? The answer is: five. Five steps to create your “Happily Ever After”.

What I have learned from my many years in a relationship, and as a Relationship Counselor, Coach and Therapist, is that there are five fundamental human needs that need to be satisfied for someone to have a happy life and a rewarding and enduring relationship.

Five Fundamental Needs

These are the “secrets”.

Let’s look at each step in detail in the form of steps o...

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