May 13, 2015,
Family, Relationship 
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The principal challenge for couples in Relationship Stage 3
The principal challenge for couples in Relationship Stage 3 is to develop an even stronger personal identity and sense of self than each had before meeting—one that is separate from the relationship, while not so separate that the partners lose sight of each other. Each member of the couple gets involved again in career, hobbies, and/or interests in community activities independently of the partner. This stage is also about spending time with other friends and in other activities, reactivating and consolidating the development of one’s self-esteem, friendships, and personal interests.
Let me share with you one of the most common mistakes couples make while rediscovering their boundaries. If your partner attempts to bring you back to a previous relationship stage, it will add to the challenge of maintaining your own identity under stress.
This mistake may be often seen in cases of partners who haven’t experienced a rich relationship so far. The lack of any experience is fatal for the process of passing through Stage 3 of couple’s relations.
You may notice all this in the form of obsessive behaviour that oppresses you. The healthy and mature approach consists of respecting your partner’s desire to define her/his boundaries. Consider it a possibility to pass together through another challenge.
The importance of rediscovering yourself is that a successful couple requires that each member be a successful individual. You must be sure who you are and have a healthy self-esteem to then be able to encourage the same in your partner. If you achieve this, your relationship then supports two individuals living out their own dreams while living out their couple dreams at the same time.
Where did my partner go?
The greatest risk during this stage of your relationship is that you lose sight of your partner as you rediscover who you can be; yet not acknowledge his or her own need to rediscover who he or she can be. If both rediscovery processes are not managed well, you may find yourself losing your connection with each other entirely.
It is important to remember that as you rediscover who you can now be, you also need to find out and celebrate who your partner can be, as well. All this needs to happen at the same time that you both continue to nurture your relationship by finding even more meaningful ways to spend time together.
This takes commitment on both sides as you now come to understand that love alone is not enough to keep the relationship going into the long term.
The good news is that if you make it through this stage, you will discover a greater depth to the relationship than you ever thought possible, while you create a new foundation upon which to build your futures as individuals.
I am eager to read your comments and letters. It is important to me that you are a part of this dialogue. Share and tell me about your own experience while passing through Stage 3 of your relationship. What is your final conclusion as regards the significance of this lesson of life?
To the wonder of you,
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