Category Relationship

January 4, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

If you have met them, you will recognize their characteristics and relationships with them will bring you nothing but feelings of frustration, helplessness and may be even despair as there is no winning with them.

We are talking about the Aggressors of the world. The game these people play follows the principle: “I must win at all cost!” In one way or another, they attempt to make themselves the reason for when things go right in their lives while blaming others when things go wrong in their lives; they under-value the efforts of their partner in relationship or completely suppress their partner’s right to express himself / herself.

In truth both types of behaviour lead to a no-win outcome.

How does this game begin? It invariably starts with a parent who is also an Aggressor...

December 18, 2014,  Relationship, Script  No comments

Recently I was having dinner with my friends in one of our local restaurants, far away from the noise of the city. At the table next to us another company of friends were enjoying their Saturday while having a good feed drinking fine wine and sharing stories. Suddenly their conversation turned to the methods for choosing a partner to spend one’s life with.

I couldn’t help extending my ear to them. This was a true niggling for my experience as a therapist. What were these love couples thinking of love, their relationships, and of life in general?

What I discovered was that they were each very strongly in favour of their opinion and were clearly in support of one of two positions: The first one defended their thesis that love was chemistry, and the second one – that love was somehow pre-o...

December 10, 2014,  Relationship  No comments

There is one question as old as the world and that is the question about the Principle of Attraction. One theory is that this is based on people’s differences, and the other theory is that this is based on people’s similarities. Listening to the stories of couples coming to my counselling rooms, I get to hear various theories and explanations from them about what it was that attracted them in the first place.

The role of similarities and differences

This is what I believe about similarities and differences between individuals in relationships: while differences often attract us to another, in the long term, our similarities — areas of compatibility — keep us together.

So, I think that it is good for you — necessary even — to take a really close look at your partner to discover who...

December 3, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

A Talk with Vanessa and Mark

The story of “Vanessa” and “Mark” that I recently shared with you is the story of a search for the point of intersection between two very different people with very different conflict management styles.

If you need a reminder of their story pop back and see the previous article where I first introduced you to them.

As you review their story you may be able to empathise with Vanessa and yet you may also understand what Mark is experiencing and be able to empathise with his experience as well. This life setting is as real as the stories of any couple you may know. It is unknown to some, but so painfully experienced by others.

This is a story of the “family secrets” – which we can, though sometimes not very successfully, manage to transfer from our pat...

November 25, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

You know how women describe the man of their dreams, don’t you? Women picture him as a handsome man emitting sex-appeal, having a sense of humour, showing his concern and just acting nicely, hard-working and dedicated…

Of course, there is no woman in this world that would state it aloud and consciously – I want him to be rude, despotic and inclined to violence. And “Vanessa” is just one of them, and so are you, and so am I. Each woman dreams to have a worthy partner by her side, one to share her life with.

Now let me tell you Vanessa’s story with “Mark”. They both, just like any other couple, were looking for answers. They were in search of their own selves and were ready to work for their relationship...

November 19, 2014,  Exercise, Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

Do you want to know more about what your script is telling you about what’s happening in your relationship? Look for the link below and complete this exercise.

Every couple has their own complex relationship. And that is what makes the balance between the couple sometimes so difficult to maintain.

However, as human nature would have it we are prone to embark again and again on new relationships, still believing and hoping that this time something magical will happen and it will be different.

I have shared many of my experiences with you and I have revealed the reasons for confrontations that happen between both partners...

October 27, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

Once upon a time there was a prince and a princess from a faraway kingdom. I love nice stories that end with happy ever after but this is not always the way it works out.

Here is the story of Alex and Tamara who are struggling with their relationship now. A relationship that is going to require them to make some decisions about their future if they want to get to “happy ever after”.

As you read their story don’t judge them harshly. I’ll explain why later.

Does this sound a bit like you or someone you know?

“Tamara” and “Alex” met each other when they were both seventeen and still at school. They married when they were twenty. They live in a modest home in the suburbs with their son...

September 10, 2014,  Family, Relationship, Script  No comments

People say that if you like safety, then the easiest and quickest way to make a round-the-world trip is the web map. Thus you will not have to protect yourself from the unsuccessful attempts of local cooks; you will not have to get vaccinated against all possible diseases you have never even heard of, you will not have to pack up your stuff and a bunch of other advantages of this proposed option. But I keep wondering where the joy is of the very attempt, where the true pleasure is of collecting priceless moments? If there is a fixed axis, then where is the point of looking for it or choosing the path of the empiric attempt? Where is the actual beginning of our trip around the wide world and what is its trajectory?

From the moment of your conception, you were already making distinct self-in...

July 16, 2014,  Family, Relationship  No comments

I often hear in my work the following question: why is that we really like some people and we really do not like others?

A long time admirer may follow you just as if being bound by an invisible thread, proving his loyalty and devotion, but you keep not noticing him. At the same time, you keep running headlong after another man, whose personality and appearance do not even come close to your loyal admirer. Just as a comic’s scene, where one is running after the other one, and the other one after a third. Let me summarize it for you – there is one thing clear here: choosing a partner is not a chaotic process under the banner “destiny gave me a hint”. And yes, you thought just right – there are laws here as well.

I often advise those I am counselling to take a close look at the relat...

July 9, 2014,  Family, Relationship  No comments

It might seem that each of our stories is similar to those of others, but the one thing makes each of our stories unique is our personality and how we interpret what we experience. In order to put the pieces of the puzzle which is our relationship with our partner, we need something more than just filling in the text in our favourite magazine quiz or having a trusted conversation with a friend. We need an objective assessment of how we are, where and how we were brought up, and of the imprint our family has left on our own soul.

Let me go a little bit deeper into that: your script for life, which influences your values, beliefs, and attitudes (and consequently, what you think, feel, say, and do), also contains rules, or guidelines, about being a couple in a relationship...