July 19, 2022,
Family, Life, Script 
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Victims
Then sadly, there is the Victim. This is a person who never makes it in the first place. Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward describe a Victim as “One who fails to respond authentically to those around him.” In this context, “authentically” means genuinely or openly and honestly—as a Victor would.
What if a businessman has a wife with him on vacation? While the businessman is off attempting to enjoy the day fishing, she has decided that there is no joy in that for her and decides to spend the day by the hotel’s pool. Shortly after settling in, she becomes agitated so decides to go shopping. That also doesn’t interest her as the shops don’t really have much to offer. She makes a hair appointment but that has no appeal either. She starts to feel that she has been put in this place with nothing to do, nowhere to go and no-one to talk to, while her husband is out, and she resents him for it.
She is fed up and becomes increasingly sullen and angry spending the rest of her day at the hotel bar so by the time her husband returns she is too drunk to care about anything. Her husband had planned a quiet dinner, but she lashes out at him for leaving her all day. Any chance of a pleasant evening together now has totally disappeared. She is unhappy and wants him to be unhappy too. He now is also feeling like a Victim as he attempts in vain to cheer her up.
A Victim is simply a person for whom everything seems to go wrong (nothing ever seems to go right, either), and a person who thinks that everyone has it in for him or her.
This, however, is not to say that things don’t go wrong for Victors and Visitors, because they do. The difference lies in the expectation of the Victim that everything is sure to go wrong, while for Victors, there is no expectation of anything going wrong. If things do go wrong, the Victor finds a suitable resolution to right it.
On the other hand, when things go wrong for Visitors, they generally respond with acceptance (or even resignation) that that is just how life is. They attempt to make the most of a situation by consoling themselves that at least something else in their lives is OK.
Victims rely on luck. They will buy lottery tickets and talk excitedly—enthusiastically even—about what they will do with the winnings. At the same time, though, a Victim couldn’t possibly fathom what to do after a real lottery win. In fact, a Victim who wins a lottery has a high chance of losing it all very quickly, since how to manage success is not within the Victim’s script.
If you are a Victim, you don’t hold down jobs for long, if at all, or you find yourself skipping from one job to the next, searching for the Holy Grail that you seem never to find.
Victims are often heard saying things such as:
- “Why does it always have to happen to me?”
- “If only…had happened.”
- “They’re all out to get me …”
- “I’ll never get over this.”
Now, before you go judging yourself to be a Visitor or a Victim, let me say this: it is OK to get off track sometimes. This does not make you a Victim. And sometimes, you might need to step back and be a Visitor for a while for your own good. It’s just part of being human.
I presume that anyone reading this is definitely not a Victim. But you might occasionally get a glimpse of yourself slipping into this mode. Moments like that are when you need to step up, assess what is happening honestly, and do whatever it takes to get out of that negative place.
If ever you recognize any of these qualities in yourself, shake yourself free and make a new decision for yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get back to a Victor’s position. Sit down, think about where your life is taking you, and set a new direction. Write your plan down as a goal. Develop some action steps to get there, and then just do it. And remember life is a journey, it’s not an endpoint so make sure you enjoy every minute of the ride.
In truth, we are each a mix of the Victor, Visitor, and Victim. We all have our moments, so to speak, and we will likely decide which type or position we adopt at different times, events, and situations. Nonetheless, each of us does tend to lean to one type over the other two: one of them fits and suits us most naturally due to the directives of our personal script.
To the wonder of you,
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