January 23, 2023,
Counselling, Family, Games People Play, Life, Relationship, Script 
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The answer may be not just in what Vanessa and Mark observed in their families of origin but also in how they were treated. Once we began working together what came to light was two very important points. For Vanessa being shielded from arguments, as well as criticism of any type, in her family also meant that she had not learnt any skills for managing conflicts now as an adult in her most important relationships. Consequently, any raised voices or criticism was felt as a personal insult leaving Vanessa feeling constantly bruised and battered.
For Mark, on the other hand, his unrelenting exposure to conflict in his family also left him feeling bruised and battered as he was constantly made the victim of his parents and siblings’ tirades. Mark did not have the skills to manage his feelings of frustration and abused Vanessa just as he was abused as a child. The reason these discrepancies had not come up earlier was that Mark and Vanessa simply had not known each other long enough to have had situations where their skills around managing conflict had been tested. Now it had become relationship destroying.
And just maybe Vanessa and Mark found each other both for the subconscious knowing that each would ultimately fulfill each other’s script; Vanessa for her lack of belief in her capacity to manage conflict in a long-term relationship and Mark for the same reason. Their real challenge was in the lessons that they both had to learn so that they could manage their personal and relationship conflicts more effectively without further damaging each other’s esteem.
We’ll come back to Vanessa and Mark in a while to see what became of their relationship.
To the wonder of you,
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