healthy relationship tagged posts

November 25, 2015,  Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

In the previous article I talked about a very delicate and manipulative game we grown-ups play sometimes. The game is ‘Why Don’t You…?’ and ‘Yes, but…’ Some people have played so much; they don’t even realize that they are playing it.

Why though? Common reasons for the games people play

In the previous article I mentioned just two of the reasons for the games people play. Here are some other reasons:

3. The “brownie points” revenge. Brownie points in the real world are collected and cashed in for something valuable, but in this context they are being collected to cash in for a damaging such as a negative feeling or outcome for the game partner. The underlying belief is that either someone owes someone else something or that someone needs to do something for someone else...

November 19, 2015,  Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

Grown-ups mind games: ‘Why don’t you..?’ and ‘Yes, but…’

When we were children, we all used to play games, most of them funny and harmless. The older we got the more intensive the games became. And because a child’s mind is so easily shaped the games he observes, and is often a party to, during his childhood becomes the games he is most likely to play himself as an adult.

“Why don’t you” and “Yes, but…” are typical examples of the games people play.

This is actually two games, but the one could not exist without the other. Here is how these games are played:

These games are most often played by partners in a relationship. One is constantly in need of assistance and attention, while the other is more than willing, in the first instance at least, to help out.

The pla...

October 18, 2015,  Exercise, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

When you look at the solution to a problem from a different perspective then everything gets easier. Child’s play really.

If you imagine two adults who are playing tic-tac-toe and are competing for the win you are going to see the big picture as if from a bird’s eye view.

Let’s accept for a moment that the game is a dispute. I put an “x”, my partner puts an “o” and we continue like this one after another. The tension is getting stronger. Who is going to win? At some point my partner puts his “o” and draws a smile. I smile back, I accept the dispute from its amusing angle and I understand that my partner’s intentions towards me are positive.

I quickly grasp the wink. A game or a dispute, call it whatever you want...

October 12, 2015,  Events  No comments

Click on the flyer to see it in full size.
If you would like to attend the seminar please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the seminar”.

Some excerpts from my workshops.

October 11, 2015,  Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Body language, power of words, facial expression, position of the hands, waving of the hair – what do all of these mean to you when transferred into everyday communication? Is the reading of every gesture part of effective communication between people? Is it non-verbal language? I am asking myself, isn’t this the key to Relationship Rules for Effective Communication?

Of course, my experience as well as all of the big books written on this topic prove that each gesture or movement of our bodies expresses our inner condition in a moment of conversation, in a moment of a dispute, or even in a moment when we say “I love you” to our partner.

In order to be a good converser and listener at the same time you need to acquire a few simple skills and mostly you have to learn to read the code o...

September 1, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Do you know this feeling? You are angry. You want to throw yourself at your partner both physically and verbally. You want to show them how much they are wrong and how right you are with all your strength.

There is no need to answer me because everyone who has contemplated fighting fair knows what I am talking about. If we behave that way there will be no relationship left. Right?

We will be like some primitive people who cannot converse but also have never heard of communication, conversation and rules. I will share with you what I do in such situations and in this way I will present to you:

Relationship Rules for Effective Communication

First, when I feel stressed, I take whatever time I need to compose myself while looking for the most effective way to share what I want to say with the...

August 24, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

There is an old children’s game known all around the world called “hide-and-seek”. No matter where you are geographically you might find differences in the name but not in the rules of the game. They are very simple: one kid counts to 10 while standing still, and without looking, while the rest of the kids run around to hide. Then the kid that has been counting so far must find the others. The last one to remain hidden and reach the starting point while saying “not found” wins.

This game looks a lot like the relationships of couples in conflict except instead of one staying and counting they both run away in order to hide from the other.

What do we notice then? We notice the lack of a dialogue of the point in dispute. This is far from playing, or “fighting”, fair.

But what is ...

July 8, 2015,  Family, Relationship  No comments

I will try to focus your thoughts on the word “balance“. What does it mean to you?

We can all agree that the balance can be a financial, emotional, behavioural and even professional one. But which one of these characteristics has the strongest influence over the person’s feeling of happiness?

To the greatest extent the burden of the meaning of “balance” falls most significantly on your relationship with your partner. Most of the people in my office say that if they feel balanced in their relationship at home then they achieve unprecedented heights at work.

Why is it that way?

It is because every human being needs a centre to balance their social hardships...

June 24, 2015,  Events  No comments

Your Biggest Relationship Questions Answered: a special 1 hour Q&A Webinar with

Lidy Seysener	Frank Fava

Hi

A Colleague of mine Frank Fava and I are going to be presenting a webinar together next week so this is an invitation to join us and hear the two of us answer all your relationship questions, or as many as we can fit into an hour.

The topic for the event is “The Biggest Questions You Have About Relationships”.

For those who don’t know what a Webinar (Web-based Seminar) is it is an event that happens online where you will hear, in this one at least, Frank and I answering questions on what it means to be in a relationship in 2015. It is also an event where you can post (ie write down) questions as we go for us to answer.

This is the first time we’ve done this kind of ...

June 18, 2015,  Family, Relationship  No comments

What do we really know about the power of two people who become a couple? Can we describe it with words, numbers or a vision? If for me the power of a strong relationship is expressed through my own experience and work with dozens of families, then for others it might even be expressed in the power of the family integrity expressed through much more than a life time next to one another.

I will share with you a story that moved both me and thousands of people around the world. This is a story about the power of the human spirit separately and as a part of a couple like a quadratic equation that gives the answer to the question that is Step 5 of the development of interpersonal relationships.

An inspiring example of a powerful couple

A story that keeps coming up in my local community is tha...