“Do As I Say, Not As I Do!”

August 11, 2014,  Family, Script  No comments

I suppose you have all read a bunch of candied stories as teenagers telling about good girls – princesses in most cases, who manage to finally find their prince charming after numerous stumbling blocks. Then they marry and live happily ever after. This script is the main motif of many romantic movies we can get lost in and completely negates reality. In following these stories you don’t think of whether or not this story is true. It is just that each one of us dreams of a fairy-tale outcome and seek to find our prince charming or princess in the mistaken belief that maybe it just could be.

One important lesson to learn here is that because your script for life and the rules or guidelines it contains are subconsciously passed on to you, you are most likely to copy exactly what your parents do, even if what they say seems to contradict it. Without a doubt, this is where “Do as I say, not as I do!” does not work. While kids might not know what goes on behind their parents “closed doors” consciously, they know exactly what is happening subconsciously. Even a child who has not yet been born is picking up messages from their environment which marks him for life. Events will then likely play out in their own lives as they grow and enter into their own adult relationships.

People talk about the “chemistry” that attracts us to one another. I call it a script.

What I am saying here is that you are scripted to choose your partner to be a certain kind of person. The most astonishing part of this is that this all happens subconsciously. Not only that, but you will even subconsciously manipulate that person to be a certain way, even if this is not how they were when you first went into a relationship with them.

Your script, and the underlying values, attitudes, and beliefs that you hold, are what attract you to another person. And, as you are attracted to them, so they are attracted to you. There is a mutual, though subconscious and consequently unspoken, agreement that as your partner will support you in finding confirmation that your beliefs are correct, so too will you support your partner in the same way.

Surely you’ve met couples that remind you of a well-oiled machine easily passing over the storms of life. You’ve noticed how such couples always know the most direct way to coping with a particular problem, and how their outcome is always of the type “and lived happily ever after”. As I already mentioned, this is not chemistry, but a perfect match between both partners’ scripts. But in order for “them” to happen, “she” and “he” were nurtured in a positive way in the environment of their own families.

Please, write to me and share with me your own thoughts about the similarities between your own script and the script of your partner. Do you think that your scripts are accidental? And how many of them have you missed and which have you not seen, or chosen not to see, even with your eyes wide open. And yes, I see you smiling – when looking at the sun, we all put on sunglasses! And some are even rose coloured…

To the wonder of you,

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