Category Relationship Tips

March 10, 2016,  Games People Play, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

I will illustrate the topic with an example from the story of “Lyn” and “James”.

At one time Lyn decides to take her children on vacation with a girlfriend and her children for a few days. But when Lyn tells James of the plan, he is not OK with it. When she asks why, he just says, “Because I said so.” When she says she is definitely going but would like his consent, he again refuses to give it.

Earlier in their relationship, Lyn would have backed down, but this time she decides to go anyway. James remains angry and revengeful. On Lyn’s return, James refuses to speak to her, and they go to bed in silence. The next morning, Lyn wakes to discover that James is not there. She finds him in the living room with her wallet and a pair of scissors cutting up her credit cards.

She ask...

October 18, 2015,  Exercise, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

When you look at the solution to a problem from a different perspective then everything gets easier. Child’s play really.

If you imagine two adults who are playing tic-tac-toe and are competing for the win you are going to see the big picture as if from a bird’s eye view.

Let’s accept for a moment that the game is a dispute. I put an “x”, my partner puts an “o” and we continue like this one after another. The tension is getting stronger. Who is going to win? At some point my partner puts his “o” and draws a smile. I smile back, I accept the dispute from its amusing angle and I understand that my partner’s intentions towards me are positive.

I quickly grasp the wink. A game or a dispute, call it whatever you want...

October 11, 2015,  Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Body language, power of words, facial expression, position of the hands, waving of the hair – what do all of these mean to you when transferred into everyday communication? Is the reading of every gesture part of effective communication between people? Is it non-verbal language? I am asking myself, isn’t this the key to Relationship Rules for Effective Communication?

Of course, my experience as well as all of the big books written on this topic prove that each gesture or movement of our bodies expresses our inner condition in a moment of conversation, in a moment of a dispute, or even in a moment when we say “I love you” to our partner.

In order to be a good converser and listener at the same time you need to acquire a few simple skills and mostly you have to learn to read the code o...

September 1, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

Do you know this feeling? You are angry. You want to throw yourself at your partner both physically and verbally. You want to show them how much they are wrong and how right you are with all your strength.

There is no need to answer me because everyone who has contemplated fighting fair knows what I am talking about. If we behave that way there will be no relationship left. Right?

We will be like some primitive people who cannot converse but also have never heard of communication, conversation and rules. I will share with you what I do in such situations and in this way I will present to you:

Relationship Rules for Effective Communication

First, when I feel stressed, I take whatever time I need to compose myself while looking for the most effective way to share what I want to say with the...

August 24, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

There is an old children’s game known all around the world called “hide-and-seek”. No matter where you are geographically you might find differences in the name but not in the rules of the game. They are very simple: one kid counts to 10 while standing still, and without looking, while the rest of the kids run around to hide. Then the kid that has been counting so far must find the others. The last one to remain hidden and reach the starting point while saying “not found” wins.

This game looks a lot like the relationships of couples in conflict except instead of one staying and counting they both run away in order to hide from the other.

What do we notice then? We notice the lack of a dialogue of the point in dispute. This is far from playing, or “fighting”, fair.

But what is ...

February 25, 2015,  Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

I met a client yesterday who told me that for no apparent reason or cause her partner came to her one day and told her he wasn’t happy. He said he wanted to take six months living separately from her to decide whether he really wanted to be in this relationship. She was dumbfounded and asked whether he was seeing someone else. He denied it. He just kept saying he wasn’t happy and needed some time separate.

Couples often do not realize the problems that prevent them from being happy. Instead, they keep searching for the answers outside of themselves and outside of their relationships rather than looking within.

Furthermore, there are many cases when following a break-up, one of the couple jumps into a new relationship before taking the time to explore their part in the breakup...