April 28, 2014,
Fundamental Human Needs 
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As a child grows and has their physical needs met, there is also a fundamental need to feel safe from harm – physically and emotionally. “Safety” here means the knowledge that someone – your parents when you were a child, and your partner when you are in an adult relationship – will always be there for you. You need to feel that this person will always be a “soft place” on whom to fall when you need someone the most, but also in good times as well as in times of distress.
As with all of these fundamental needs, this need remains the same throughout life.
Safety Needs may also be described with an extremely efficient metaphor: safety is just as feeling hungry – the way one cannot feel partially hungry, the same way each of us cannot feel partially safe.
Safety Needs is not just the food for our souls, but it is a fundamental feeling that keeps us moving forwards. And more than this – safety, such as well-being, is one of the basic social values; it is one of the basic individual and group needs that keep one moving forward.
Let me tell you the story about “Beth” and “Roger” – a fairly typical couple who have been together for many years and have raised three children, all now adult. One of the children was having a special birthday, so invitations went out to all to celebrate the day at Beth and Roger’s home.
A sibling of the birthday child expressed that he was busy and would not be able to make it. Beth, particularly, was upset by this and needed to express her disappointment. She needed to have Roger listen and offer some physical comfort. This might have been nothing more than the want for a hug and some words of reassurance. Roger, however, felt unable to do these things and sharply expressed a want for Beth to sort herself out and “get over it.”
For Beth and Roger, it’s about knowing that they are always there for each other, whether as someone offering greetings as the other comes home late from a day’s outing, or someone to be a defender when one partner is being attacked physically or verbally by someone else.
In the story above, when Roger hears Beth’s distress at her child’s decision to not be in attendance at the birthday celebration, and on realizing how upset she is, he could offer some words of reassurance. Alternatively, Roger could take it upon himself to speak with their child to let him know how upset his mother is at his response, and to encourage him to reconsider his decision.
A word of caution here: it would not be helpful for Roger to take this latter course of action for Beth in the belief that she cannot do it for herself. In any event, it could be advisable for Roger to speak with Beth first to check that she is OK for him to step up on her behalf. This allows him to take care of her while it lets her feel cared for.
Based on the example above, you can understand that feeling Safe and having these needs met is just as critical as the other needs in determining one’s mental health. This is a needed step we cannot miss on our journey to personnel happiness.
Write back and share with me how you feel about this step and how you would describe it in your own way?
To the wonder of you,
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