January 4, 2015,
Family, Games People Play, Relationship, Script 
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If you have met them, you will recognize their characteristics and relationships with them will bring you nothing but feelings of frustration, helplessness and may be even despair as there is no winning with them.
We are talking about the Aggressors of the world. The game these people play follows the principle: “I must win at all cost!” In one way or another, they attempt to make themselves the reason for when things go right in their lives while blaming others when things go wrong in their lives; they under-value the efforts of their partner in relationship or completely suppress their partner’s right to express himself / herself.
In truth both types of behaviour lead to a no-win outcome.
How does this game begin? It invariably starts with a parent who is also an Aggressor. In response a child will initially either adopt an Aggressors position as well as he witnesses the heartache that the victim experiences at the hands of the Aggressor or become a Victim, the response he may observe in the other parent.
Let me tell you a little more about the image of the typical Aggressor. I hope this will help you when reviewing your own relationship from whatever position you play your games from.
Examples of This Game People Play
It’s often said that to survive in today’s world we need to be a little more Aggressive. That may be, though I would be more inclined to say we need to be more Assertive.
Aggressor is used here to denote a game position which is never OK. The Aggressor presents in one of two ways: as hostile, or outwardly aggressive, or as manipulative, or passively aggressive.
A wife’s constant nagging her husband is an example of a hostile Aggressor’s relationship game. This game might be called “You Can Never Do Anything Right.” She ridicules him for everything he does to try to please her. This may extend to insulting him for what he wears or how he looks after the children.
On the other hand, an example of a manipulative Aggressor’s game might be when a wife pulls out a bottle of spirits the moment her husband leaves for work and drinks until he gets home. This game might be called “If I’m Drunk, I Don’t Have to Take Any Responsibility.” The husband ends up doing all the housework as well as managing his day job if he wants any order in his family’s life.
The core script belief that motivates Aggressors is generally something like “I have to get them before they get me.”
Let me quote the author of the book entitled “The Mountain of Silence” – Kyriacos C. Markides, speaking about aggression: “By reacting to aggression with aggression we lose the opportunity to spiritually benefit from the experience.” Think about his words and search for a way of protecting yourself against the games these people play. Aggressive behaviour is always destructive and there is nothing worth being proud of.
Generally, the games people play can be brought to three behavioural models, namely: The Aggressor, The Helpless, and The Martyr. In the articles to come I will describe the other roles in detail.
Please, write and share with me whether or not you have any direct observations of the games of the Aggressor as you may have experienced them. Do you know such people and if yes – then what is your own behaviour towards them.
Thank you for trusting me and be sure I look forward to hearing your voices through your e-mails and comments.
To the wonder of you,
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