For centuries people have described and praised love as a flame striking at the heart. Sonnets, stories and novels tell stories about young lovers who through all kinds of adversity find love and come to live happily ever after.
Each one of us tends to believe this magic, to submit our whole life to it in the search of our own fabulous love story. And why not, you probably think! But for us to truly be able to say: “I Am Ready to Meet You”, we really must be free of our past and at peace in ourselves. This is the foundation and the beginning of a new life where Happy Ever After is truly possible.
And like any great adventure finding the fairy tale requires us to pass through a storm of challenges on the way. Each of these challenges requires us to pass a test before we can move on to claim our prize and like all challenges sometimes these are difficult leaving us questioning and wondering whether it really is worth it.
The answer is a definite YES!!
After selecting someone you would like to have as your partner (who you may even believe is your soul mate) your relationship must pass through five stages if it is to get to “happily ever after.” Once you move from “I don’t know you yet, but I’m ready to meet you” into the relationship itself.
The Five Stages of Relationship Development
- Stage 1: All I can see are your good points
- Stage 2: Rediscovering the differences that make the difference
- Stage 3: From “we” back to “me”
- Stage 4: Recoupling (when you put “relate” back into “relationship”)
- Stage 5: Happily ever after
If you pass through each of these stages successfully, I promise you will get there. Over the next few articles I will go through each of these in detail so make sure you come back and check out what’s in store for you next.
Before Stage 1: I Don’t Know You Yet, but I’m Ready to Meet You
Long before the magic can begin, you live your life completely unaware of the existence of the person you will ultimately fall in love with. Before a relationship exists, you are just being yourself, sometimes selfishly so. Your only thoughts are of your own wants and of how to gratify them. For some, this is just as you like it, though for most, the pull to be in a relationship can be so strong that it occupies all your waking time.
Each person needs to be a part of a society that brings a positive assessment of his temper, appearance, personal skills and generally an overall praise of his skills and abilities. In connection with the above, this is usually the role of our partner. In good times and in bad it is namely our partner that is our support when facing the world and life difficulties. We simply do better when we’re in relationships than when we’re not.
Looking for a partner just might bring you the real love of your life. If you are in a secure state of mind, intellectually and emotionally, and are at ease with yourself, then the path is well laid for you to find your true soul mate.
During my long sessions with couples I’ve met, I’ve often heard the phrase: “What stands between us? We used to be the perfect couple…” Most times the answer to this question is that it is not enough to just state “I Am Ready to Meet You”. You need to work a lot harder to achieve your goal. And this work needs to be focused on own self before meeting your future partner.
I want you to reread that last paragraph. It is possibly the most important thing about this whole Magic thing called love.
To be truly able to love another, you must truly love yourself first.
However, many people struggle to understand what this actually means. It is not about being conceited or cocky. It is about being self-confident and authentic, open and honest and real, with yourself and others. You then enter into a relationship because you want to be there, not because you need to be.
In other words, you get into a relationship because life is simply better with the other person in it. It is not because you need that person because of something missing in you. This can sound confusing. What I am trying to get across here is that you cannot feel good feelings for another if you have only negative feelings for yourself. To feel good about yourself is not to be self-centred; it is simply being confident in who you are, knowing that you deserve all the respect and care that everyone is entitled to, from yourself and from others.
I cannot stress this point enough. It is most important to be aware that if you are in a less-than-stable state of mind, you might choose a partner based on the unmet needs that lie behind that instability.
I am talking about the five Fundamental Needs here. They must be satisfied within your own life before you can present your best self to your future partner. In a word, this is everything you need to remember before stating I Am Ready to Meet You.
Oh, and by the way, since an unsatisfied fundamental need might drive your own search for a partner, your partner’s unsatisfied need might be his or her reason for choosing you.
The secret to a truly wonderful relationship is being truly wonderful yourself.
Remember that and keep working on it. It would be naive to believe that something so complex as human relations may be described as a pink-cloud flawless trip. On the contrary, a good relationship is a relationship that passes through each of the five stages, which require strength, time and perseverance in order to be able to move on to the next stage. No one claims that it is easy to establish a great relationship. Do not trust utopian stories blindly that describe only the period of falling in love.
Please, write to me and share with me your own experience. I will be more than happy to be of use to you and your partner in order to be able to establish a real, healthy and complete relationship.
To the wonder of you,
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