I use the acronym TOUCH to remember the five ways of funding my love bank.
T is for Time
Relationships aren’t part-time arrangements. And, if your relationship is fed on left-over time (the time you have after everything else has been done), your love bank will very quickly be depleted.
Your relationship must take priority over everything else (other than yourself). You come first, your partner comes second. Your family is third, your work is next, and finally there are your extended family and other friendships beyond that.
This is not to say that you can’t work because you must always be with your family. It just means that you must always keep your family’s needs in mind if you are doing something of lower priority (like working). If something comes up in your family that needs your attention, you stop doing any lower-priority activity and take care of it.
O is for One Agreement
Any decisions for you and your family must be made with your and your partner’s wholehearted and mutual agreement. You are a team and need to work as one. The happiness of each of you must be honored in any decision.
This means that your dreams and wants for your family must be decided collaboratively by you and your partner. Review them from time to time as needed. One of you should not be the decision maker with the other as follower. Both of you need to take equal responsibility for the relationship and for fulfilling the family’s needs.
U is for Units of Love
Learn to speak your partner’s love language fluently and speak it often to keep your love bank full. Your currency is not money; it is pure, unconditional love.
Meet your partner’s physical, psychological, and emotional needs every day with your gifts of gratitude, time, and attention. This way you build a healthy love balance in your bank.
C is for Care
Keep your love bank full by caring for each other and your relationship. Remember not to diminish your love funds through inattention or mistreatment.
And if you feel you are unable to care for your partner because you need to care for yourself, talk about it. You’ll probably discover that just by talking naturally replenishes some love in your bank. It might even encourage you to reprioritize caring for your partner over your personal issue.
H is for Honesty
Your relationship cannot last without total honesty between you and your partner. Be honest about your feelings, your wants and desires, and dreams. And be open to hear those of your partner.
Support your partner as you ask for support yourself to go after what you want. Reaching for goals is not a threat to your relationship, but a way for each of you to live out your personal dreams alongside your couple dreams. Neither of these should be sacrificed for the other.
So, TOUCH each other often. Your love bank is guaranteed to remain full. It then flows over and touches everyone near you who get to share in the delight of your love for each other.
You have now arrived at Stage Five of your relationship, where you have more than you need for yourself and now extend the love you have beyond your own life to affect the lives of so many others.
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