Your script is activated by the chemical response you have when you first meet the person you think will be the love of your life. In other words, you have a neurological response to every thought you have, every feeling … Continued
This is what I believe about similarities and differences between individuals in relationships: while differences often attract us to another, in the long term, our similarities—areas of compatibility— keep us together. So, I think that it is good for you—necessary, … Continued
The answer may be not just in what Vanessa and Mark observed in their families of origin but also in how they were treated. Once we began working together what came to light was two very important points. For Vanessa … Continued
The Theories behind Choosing Your Partner Several theories aim to explain why we are attracted to some people and not to others. Some say that attraction is usually based on an interest in complementary qualities or characteristics—those we feel we … Continued
The child’s response to the possibility of zero-sum love is simply to do whatever is required to survive. Sometimes, this is to be as compliant as possible to get the love to return. Sometimes it is to become loud and … Continued
The question still begs to be asked: “Why does a child make such sweeping and self-limiting choices in the first place to become a Visitor or a Victim instead of a Victor?” Surely we would all choose to be a … Continued
“Tamara” and “Alex” met each other when they were both seventeen and still at school. They married when they were twenty. They live in a modest home in the suburbs with their son. Tamara was mainly a stay-at-home mother, working … Continued
Victims Then sadly, there is the Victim. This is a person who never makes it in the first place. Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward describe a Victim as “One who fails to respond authentically to those around him.” In this … Continued
Visitors If you are a Visitor, you will set goals for yourself, just as a Victor would. But unlike a Victor, you never quite accomplish them, and even if you do, not predictably. For example, you might want to be … Continued
Victors, Visitors, and Victims are the three principal life positions we live out in response to our life scripts. The script is the driver, while the life position is how the script is presented to the world. Let’s take a … Continued