October 15, 2014,
Family, Script 
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I have already spoken about Victors and Visitors. Now I want to talk about Victims. This is the life position of a person who never quite makes it. Who always seems to be left behind or misses out when something is being given out.
A Victim is simply a person for whom everything seems to go wrong (nothing ever seems to go right, either), and a person who thinks that everyone has it in for him or her.
Let me tell you a short story that takes place on a daily basis at any geographic point in the world. The telephone rings, a woman answers it and recognizes the voice of a friend of hers who lives with her husband and their three children in a big city.
After a brief greeting the women share with each other all their disappointments of their roles as mothers and wives, the insults and ungratefulness coming from the ones they take care of every day. At this moment they have a ready audience in each other and may even be looking for revenge for their generosity and asking why and how they had been forgotten on the path of life.
Like in this example Victims tend to want to blame others for their misery while not being able to recognise their own contribution to the position they find themselves in.
Here is another typical characteristic of Victims. Victims rely on luck. They will buy lottery tickets and talk excitedly—enthusiastically even—about what they will do with the winnings. At the same time, though, a Victim couldn’t possibly fathom what to do after a real lottery win. In fact, a Victim who wins a lottery has a high chance of losing it all very quickly, since how to manage success is not within the Victim’s script.
If you are a Victim, you don’t hold down jobs for long, if at all, or you find yourself skipping from one job to the next, searching for the Holy Grail that you seem never to find.
Victims are often heard saying things such as:
• “Why does it always have to happen to me?”
• “If only…had happened.”
• “They’re all out to get me …”
• “I’ll never get over this.”
Now, before you go judging yourself to be a Visitor or a Victim, let me say this: it is OK to get off track sometimes. This does not make you a Victim. And sometimes, you might need to step back and even be a Visitor for a while for your own good. It’s just part of being human. What we are talking about here is the difference between choosing when we need to step back or when we are feeling vulnerable as opposed to making this a lifelong position.
And by the way, I presume that anyone reading this article is definitely not a Victim. As crazy as it sounds, I do know and I am sure that you recognize the feelings described by me in the beginning of the article. You have surely been a part of such conversations and you realize that if at this moment you are the Winner in a given life situation, then in another situation you are not protected from assuming the role of a Visitor or a Victim.
In truth, we are each a mix of the Victor, Visitor, and Victim.
We all have our moments, so to speak, and we will likely decide which type or position we adopt at different times, events, and situations.
If ever you recognize any of these qualities in yourself, shake yourself free and make a new decision for yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get back to a Victor’s position. Sit down, think about where your life is taking you, and set a new direction. You might need to go back a couple of articles to be reminded of what the Victor’s life position is.
Finally, let me go back to that telephone conversation. Are you wondering how it ended? Two women changed by time, two women who have found themselves the perfect excuse – the children and the husband – for the lack of strength to follow the path of their lives, for the lack of will to stand their grounds, for their roles as victims.
An ancient Chinese saying states: “A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.”
Next time I will tell you another story – the story of Tamara and Alex. I will answer the question: Why we choose to be a Victor, a Visitor or a Victim?
To the wonder of you,
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