May 8, 2014,
Fundamental Human Needs 
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Let me start my story with one “delicious” and indisputable fact: the first candle on your child’s first birthday cake celebrates the start of the period known as “I Belong!” This is also the start of the process of formation of your child’s emotional belonging, as from this point forward all efforts exerted by your child shall be directed towards the very development of this fundamental step called “Love and Belonging Needs”.
And what do we know about those needs? These are the feelings that cause the most heated arguments and the most varied theories. Feeling loved is what ensures the survival and selection of humankind.
Because we all come into this world defenceless, it is love that helps us to survive. It is also love that teaches us to associate us how to be a part of our families, our social environment, and our future partners.
Love unites people. Love helps people to cope with difficulties in life and to overcome the hardest moments in life. And it is love that lets us know we belong as we are welcomed into those groups. That is why the “Love and Belonging Needs” are interrelated and equally important to us.
The fulfillment of this need offers you peace of mind in the knowledge that you are not alone and that the struggle of life is not yours alone to bear. You are one of many. You are a member of your immediate family, your extended family, your community, and all the nations of the world.
Every one of you, from the day your parents first dropped you off at child care or preschool ‘til the day you became an adult and left home to make a life of your own, are learning to fit into a social group and do so even when it is uncomfortable.
The reason for this is simply that you have love and belonging needs that drive you to be a part of something more. We are social beings never meant to be on our own.
Therefore, for you as an adult, your love and belonging needs have to do with all the things that bring other people into your life, together with the shared enjoyment of that. This can be found either in your relationship with your partner and the things you do together, with your families and friends, or even with people you don’t actually know but may simply pass by on the street.
Let me tell you the story of “Beth” and “Roger” in order to visualize the importance of the fourth step on the needs ladder.
“Beth” and “Roger” are a fairly typical couple who have been together for many years and have raised three children. While time with their children fulfills some of Beth’s and Roger’s love and belonging needs, it is not the only way they get these needs met. The children have come over to their parents’ house to celebrate one of their birthdays and have now returned to their own homes. It is late in the afternoon. The house has been tidied up and there is nothing pressing until dinnertime. Roger might say to Beth, “I feel hungry. Let’s go to the pancake restaurant and order ourselves something really delicious.” Beth accepts the invitation, and they decide to combine it with a walk, as well.
They greet people along the way, some they know and some they don’t. They get to the pancake restaurant, take their time pondering the menu before choosing, and enjoy their pancakes and the time they have together. They return home feeling satisfied and revitalized, as so many of their needs have been met in one small and unplanned outing.
And so … love and belonging needs. Share with me your thoughts on this topic and/or experiences of being loved and fitting in, or not, and how that has affected your life now as an adult.
To the wonder of you,
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