The Theories behind Choosing Your Partner Several theories aim to explain why we are attracted to some people and not to others. Some say that attraction is usually based on an interest in complementary qualities or characteristics—those we feel we … Continued
The question still begs to be asked: “Why does a child make such sweeping and self-limiting choices in the first place to become a Visitor or a Victim instead of a Victor?” Surely we would all choose to be a … Continued
“Tamara” and “Alex” met each other when they were both seventeen and still at school. They married when they were twenty. They live in a modest home in the suburbs with their son. Tamara was mainly a stay-at-home mother, working … Continued
Victims Then sadly, there is the Victim. This is a person who never makes it in the first place. Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward describe a Victim as “One who fails to respond authentically to those around him.” In this … Continued
Visitors If you are a Visitor, you will set goals for yourself, just as a Victor would. But unlike a Victor, you never quite accomplish them, and even if you do, not predictably. For example, you might want to be … Continued
Victors, Visitors, and Victims are the three principal life positions we live out in response to our life scripts. The script is the driver, while the life position is how the script is presented to the world. Let’s take a … Continued
Let’s say Aaron, a two year old out shopping with his dad, wanders off in the shopping center. Dad needs Aaron to learn that this is unsafe, so Aaron is told that he or she shouldn’t do it. Very often, … Continued
There are a couple of other considerations regarding script development that should not be overlooked. First, I use the word “decision” broadly to describe decisions made both in or outside of conscious awareness, including those made by every child even … Continued
From the moment of your conception, you were already making distinct self-interested and self-aware decisions for and about yourself as well as about others. By the time you were eight years old, you were beginning to make major decisions not … Continued
Couples who come into my office are often surprised that the partners they fell in love with seem to have become quite different people. Sometimes, knowing the mistakes their parents made in their relationships, couples have openly vowed not to … Continued