May 28, 2014,
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How often do you look at yourself in the mirror? I mean how often do you really look at yourself? And have you ever felt when you’ve done this that you are looking at someone else? Just as if somebody has replaced you with another person?
Sometimes you don’t need to face the mirror in order to really feel that your concept of yourself is quite different from the reality. You are being reminded in every step in your lifethat a part of you lives in illusion – about yourself, about your relationship, and about the surrounding world.
The “lies” in the title Love, Lies, and the Games Couples Play refers to the mistaken attitudes and beliefs that we can hold about ourselves and about others. These are most likely based on someone else’s thinking which in the first instance were probably our parent’s.
And as these beliefs were presented to us at a time when we were not able to make well-considered decisions for ourselves, they are not necessarily reflective of our current subjective truth.
Those beliefs, and the way we subsequently come to value ourselves and others based on them, will more than likely prevent us from finding the love we desire. This is simply because of the hurts those who have gone before us have experienced and therefore passed onto us unconsciously. We accept them unconsciously, so we are not really aware of what actually drives our lives.
I’ll sum this up by saying that we are all scripted, or programmed, when we are very young to believe certain things about our lives and how things will turn out. Our subconscious minds then work determinedly to ensure that reality matches our beliefs.
Sadly though, for most of us, until we learn otherwise, the stronger and more negative of the beliefs that we hold will be the ones that take priority. This is why relationships don’t just happen. They need work and effort, but not just to be loving towards one another but in the first instance we must be loving towards ourselves.
Do you realize the true importance oflooking at yourself in the mirror and facing a true andvivid image that is both genuineand honest? From this perspective we can accept and love ourselves enough to know in our hearts that we are deserving of another’s love. Consequently, we will expect nothing less than love from the other in return.
The greatest thing about relationships is that in a safe and nurturing environment, where we can express ourselves without fear and are accepted for who we are without reservation, we have all that we need to become all that we can be.
And in offering our partners our love and nurturing, we create a space where they can become all that they can be as well.
I want you to find the hope that no matter how bad your relationship seems to be, no matter how close you are to calling it quits, you can find a way through the turmoil to discover your own “happily ever after.” It might sound like a paradox but it is in relationship, like nowhere else, that we can become truly autonomous in our humanity and share the joy of it with another human being.
Share your thoughts on this with me. Have ever faced a “distorting” mirror? Have you looked at yourself consciouslybeing true and real? Tell me your story; maybe yourstory resembles the life of one of the book’s characters.
To the wonder of you,
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