An Example of the Games People Play

November 19, 2015,  Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

Grown-ups mind games: ‘Why don’t you..?’ and ‘Yes, but…’

When we were children, we all used to play games, most of them funny and harmless. The older we got the more intensive the games became. And because a child’s mind is so easily shaped the games he observes, and is often a party to, during his childhood becomes the games he is most likely to play himself as an adult.

“Why don’t you” and “Yes, but…” are typical examples of the games people play.

This is actually two games, but the one could not exist without the other. Here is how these games are played:

These games are most often played by partners in a relationship. One is constantly in need of assistance and attention, while the other is more than willing, in the first instance at least, to help out.

The players’ roles are usually The Helpless and The Martyr. The Martyr’s sub consciousness needs to be helpful, and helping feels good, and they are always ready to give their best. The Helpless also has his needs. The needs however are not legitimate and actually comes from a neediness and a belief that they really are incapable of doing it for themselves.

Sounds like a win-win situation but it’s not.

It appears that the Helpless rejects and respectively depreciates the help that the Martyr is trying to provide. And this is why the Helpless has already given up in his mind that he could do it.

On the other hand, the Martyr has tried everything she could think of by way of suggestions and advice and feels like, as much as she tries, she can’t help the other no matter how hard she tries. And tries she does.

The Helpless claims he’s tried everything and nothing seems to be working and she, the Martyr, as well keeps making suggestions for a positive outcome.

The more suggestions she gives the more powerless and helpless he feels. Of course the Helpless must reject any fair solution for the problem really must remain unsatisfied. And the Martyr, in knowing this, takes the challenge, and the bait, and for a time tries even harder to find a solution because that is their purpose for existing; to solve other people’s problems.

Why? Common reasons of the games people play

Here comes the question why do people play this game? Why do they persist on the idea someone owes you something or that we know better and can solve other people’s problems for them?

Multiple reasons exist for this and for all the games people play.

1. The Comfort Zone – Getting out of our comfort zones isn’t easy. The mind prefers to follow already familiar paths of how the situation goes. As well it wants to make it easier and in order to avoid unexpected last minute “surprises”, which would create a stress, they reply over and over these familiar interactions. Avoiding change, which could be painful, is the principle goal. In other words, whatever you subconsciously expect will happen, you actually make happen in reality.

2. The Reaction – Sometimes people don’t listen in order to understand, but rather just answer and respectively react as they have always done. And they react in many different ways, as well as in positive and negative ways. Usually what happens is that we already have an expectation on what we are going to see and subconsciously we tune our perceiving into that imaginary expectation so even if it doesn’t exist we still see it. We actually want to. In other words, what you think is there is and what you think you are you will become.

Do you recognize these behaviours in yourself or anyone you know? In the next article I will list other reasons we get conned into playing games.

To the wonder of you,

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