April 30, 2015,
Family, Relationship 
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Do you know the image of the Eternal bachelor, of Casanova, with a charming smile and shining eyes? This is the image of the love addict striving to always feel, at any price, in love and part of an endless honeymoon. This is an archetype for many main characters in movies and novels. Whether you recognize them in the movies, on the street or in the flower shop, you can be sure that this person will give you an unforgettable honeymoon, but it will not be forever.
You Might As Well Face It; You’re Addicted to Love
Some people are so addicted to love that they skip from one relationship to another just to experience the buzz of a new relationship rather than endure the heartache that Stage 2 may create.
So, instead of searching for what could come next, they abandon the relationship and seek out the next one until they get to the same place once again. And rather than see Stage 2 of the new relationship as an opportunity for personal growth as well as growth for them as a couple, they continue to see it as some flaw within themselves, or in the other, that results in the fairy tale ending continuing to elude them.
One response to the inevitable changes that are required if the relationship is to continue might be an attempt to hide or deny the differences that appear between the two members of the couple.
Secondly, some might attempt to solve the unease by engaging in increasingly escalating, angry arguments, trying to convince their partners to agree with their point of view in order to restore connection
Do I Still Really Love You?
The most important challenge for couples going through the stage of rediscovering differences is in learning how a partner is actually different, and in being able to embrace—even celebrate—his or her differences.
Another important challenge is that partners need to realize that love is not a constant, and always asks those direct questions.
A couple of questions you might find yourself asking during a time like this might be: “Do I still really love you?” or, “I think I love you, but I’m not sure if I’m in love with you anymore.”
Many couples can and do rise to the challenge of this stage and learn effective ways to deal with their differences with healthy conflict management and negotiation. More often, however, couples use old, ineffective methods to deal with conflict as they desperately try to return to the familiar exclusive attachment of Stage 1, sometimes with very unsatisfactory outcomes.
This stage doesn’t have to be a death knell for your relationship. It can be a time that moves you forward to new and even more exciting possibilities.
Let me finish with something I share quite often with the couples at my office – challenges make us grow in experience – as people, and as partners in the couple. Don’t fear them and accept them with a smile and pride. You are lucky for having the opportunity to fight through and learn. Love is not a prize we get after finishing Stage 1. Love is much more than just a trophy. Work hard and responsibly, so that at the end of Stage 2 – the period of differences, you feel like winners as regards to all that you can achieve as a couple.
Write to me and share with me you own personal experience, your opinion, and everything you think about on this topic.
To the wonder of you,
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