May 20, 2021,
Family, Life, Love, Relationship, Script, Sex 
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Let’s apply this notion to the concept of being a couple. Your script for life, which influences your values, beliefs, and attitudes (and consequently, what you think, feel, say, and do), also contains rules, or guidelines, about being a couple in a relationship.
Because your script (and therefore your rules for being a couple) was first given to you by your family, you will most likely grow up and live out their relationship rules accordingly.
The relationship rules in your script tell you how to communicate with your partner, how to express love to each other, and how to interact with each other sexually.
So, if your parents showed you that it was OK to put each other down, then you will have that in your scripting as well – either as the person who puts others down or as the person who is put down.
In addition, your observation of the way your parents expressed their love to each other (or not) will also influence how you express and receive love from your partner.
The way you express love will, in turn, affect how you interact sexually as well. So, if your parents were quite demonstrably sexual with each other, then maybe you will be as well. However, on the other hand, if your parents were very conservative with each other in their sexual expression, then maybe that is how you will be in your adult relationships.
From my years of experience in working with couples, I have discovered that, generally at least, we learn about male and female roles from the parent of our own sex, while we learn about being in relationship from our parent of the opposite sex. To define that a little more clearly: we learn about our sexuality, being male or female, from our parent of the same sex, and we learn about being sexual from our parent of the opposite sex.
So, for me, watching my mom interact with my dad gave me the first lessons in how to be a woman/mom. My mom was a very competent, self-reliant woman and I know I share those qualities. My dad was more “touchy feely” who liked to be physically close to the women in his life. I spent many hours as a young child with my mom managing household chores and helping her with some of the bookkeeping tasks for our small business. I also spent many hours sitting with my dad just hugging and sharing stories. It would be he as well who would tuck me in at night and who was the one I would go to when I needed help. I consider myself also to be that kind of person and I think that it was what I learned from each of my parents, together with my genetic predisposition to be a certain way, that I am both competent and self-reliant while I also enjoy being physically close to those I love.
To the wonder of you,
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