human nature tagged posts

Presentation January 22, 2015

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If you would like to attend please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the presentation”.

 

Presentation January 22, 2015

Some excerpts from my workshops.

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Seminar January 20, 2015

Click on the flyer to see it in full size.
If you would like to attend please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the seminar”.

 

Seminar January 20, 2015

Some excerpts from my workshops.

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A Game People Play: The Helpless

The Helpless

Every family is a multifaceted reflection of the surrounding world. In this variegated kaleidoscope of personalities and tempers we distinguish three basic behavioural models: the Aggressor, the Helpless, and the Martyr.

These three roles describe the life positions from which people play their games on a daily basis in their lives which is a means to support the basic life script that these same individuals live their lives by.

Regardless of whether the case is about a family of four or a household that includes three generations living under the same roof, each of the above roles is generally present in at least one of the household members. So if there is one clear Aggressor in the family, then inevitably there will be more than one Helpless or Martyr...

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The Games People Play: The Aggressor

Mad about the BanIf you have met them, you will recognize their characteristics and relationships with them will bring you nothing but feelings of frustration, helplessness and may be even despair as there is no winning with them.

We are talking about the Aggressors of the world. The game these people play follows the principle: “I must win at all cost!” In one way or another, they attempt to make themselves the reason for when things go right in their lives while blaming others when things go wrong in their lives; they under-value the efforts of their partner in relationship or completely suppress their partner’s right to express himself / herself.

In truth both types of behaviour lead to a no-win outcome.

How does this game begin? It invariably starts with a parent who is also an Aggressor...

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The Games People Play

Victors - Visitors - Victims

As a little child we all played funny games where the die determined our luck and our eventual triumph at the final. Have you ever noticed that in a particular situation participants have different reactions to the way a game progresses. Some of them feel themselves to be the winners the very moment they take the dice, while others feel scared while playing at dice, and third are desperate feelings some have that this would be just another time they would not get a double six.

The more the players are, the more the reactions are. Just as in life, isn’t it? The games people play bring them joy, disappointment or pride.

Eric Berne and His Theory

Differently from the games like those above the life that you ultimately come to live, and all that you think, feel, say, and do in it, is for the ...

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Theories about Choosing a Partner

Is It Chemistry or Script

Recently I was having dinner with my friends in one of our local restaurants, far away from the noise of the city. At the table next to us another company of friends were enjoying their Saturday while having a good feed drinking fine wine and sharing stories. Suddenly their conversation turned to the methods for choosing a partner to spend one’s life with.

I couldn’t help extending my ear to them. This was a true niggling for my experience as a therapist. What were these love couples thinking of love, their relationships, and of life in general?

What I discovered was that they were each very strongly in favour of their opinion and were clearly in support of one of two positions: The first one defended their thesis that love was chemistry, and the second one – that love was somehow pre-o...

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Similarities and differences between partners in a healthy relationship

Similarities in a healthy relationship

There is one question as old as the world and that is the question about the Principle of Attraction. One theory is that this is based on people’s differences, and the other theory is that this is based on people’s similarities. Listening to the stories of couples coming to my counselling rooms, I get to hear various theories and explanations from them about what it was that attracted them in the first place.

The role of similarities and differences

This is what I believe about similarities and differences between individuals in relationships: while differences often attract us to another, in the long term, our similarities — areas of compatibility — keep us together.

So, I think that it is good for you — necessary even — to take a really close look at your partner to discover who...

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Vanessa and Mark (cont)

A Talk with Vanessa and Mark

The Story of Vanessa and Mark

A Talk with Vanessa and Mark

The story of “Vanessa” and “Mark” that I recently shared with you is the story of a search for the point of intersection between two very different people with very different conflict management styles.

If you need a reminder of their story pop back and see the previous article where I first introduced you to them.

As you review their story you may be able to empathise with Vanessa and yet you may also understand what Mark is experiencing and be able to empathise with his experience as well. This life setting is as real as the stories of any couple you may know. It is unknown to some, but so painfully experienced by others.

This is a story of the “family secrets” – which we can, though sometimes not very successfully, manage to transfer from our pat...

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The Story of Vanessa and Mark

Vanessa and Mark

You know how women describe the man of their dreams, don’t you? Women picture him as a handsome man emitting sex-appeal, having a sense of humour, showing his concern and just acting nicely, hard-working and dedicated…

Of course, there is no woman in this world that would state it aloud and consciously – I want him to be rude, despotic and inclined to violence. And “Vanessa” is just one of them, and so are you, and so am I. Each woman dreams to have a worthy partner by her side, one to share her life with.

Now let me tell you Vanessa’s story with “Mark”. They both, just like any other couple, were looking for answers. They were in search of their own selves and were ready to work for their relationship...

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Exercise: Your Script Rules about Relationships

ExerciseDo you want to know more about what your script is telling you about what’s happening in your relationship? Look for the link below and complete this exercise.

Every couple has their own complex relationship. And that is what makes the balance between the couple sometimes so difficult to maintain.

However, as human nature would have it we are prone to embark again and again on new relationships, still believing and hoping that this time something magical will happen and it will be different.

I have shared many of my experiences with you and I have revealed the reasons for confrontations that happen between both partners...

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