feeling needs tagged posts

January 11, 2017,  Exercise, Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Games People Play, Relationship, Script  No comments

Life Is Not a TV Drama

Is it possible to live a drama free life? Is it necessary to have drama in our lives in order to feel balanced when it is over? Isn’t it easier to just exclude even the smallest possibility of turning a fly into an elephant? What make us create dramas in our lives when this is the thing we fear and dislike the most?

Look at the games the couples in our stories (The Story of Tamara and Alex, The Story of Vanessa and Mark, Vanessa and Mark (cont), Detecting Games in Relationships, Responding Assertively to Game Playing).

An Exercise

If you want you can challenge yourself: try imagining each game discussed as initiated by anyone, of either sex, and imagine how that game story might play out...

February 25, 2015,  Relationship, Relationship Tips  No comments

I met a client yesterday who told me that for no apparent reason or cause her partner came to her one day and told her he wasn’t happy. He said he wanted to take six months living separately from her to decide whether he really wanted to be in this relationship. She was dumbfounded and asked whether he was seeing someone else. He denied it. He just kept saying he wasn’t happy and needed some time separate.

Couples often do not realize the problems that prevent them from being happy. Instead, they keep searching for the answers outside of themselves and outside of their relationships rather than looking within.

Furthermore, there are many cases when following a break-up, one of the couple jumps into a new relationship before taking the time to explore their part in the breakup...

February 18, 2015,  Relationship  No comments

For centuries people have described and praised love as a flame striking at the heart. Sonnets, stories and novels tell stories about young lovers who through all kinds of adversity find love and come to live happily ever after.

Each one of us tends to believe this magic, to submit our whole life to it in the search of our own fabulous love story. And why not, you probably think! But for us to truly be able to say: “I Am Ready to Meet You”, we really must be free of our past and at peace in ourselves. This is the foundation and the beginning of a new life where Happy Ever After is truly possible.

And like any great adventure finding the fairy tale requires us to pass through a storm of challenges on the way...

November 5, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs, Script  No comments

Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim

In previous articles we took a closer look at the basic features of the three typologies of human behaviour, namely: Victor, Visitor or Victim. However, a small secret has remained unrevealed – Why we choose to be a Victor, Visitor or Victim. I guess you are asking yourself why, despite willing to be Victors, we more and more often see ourselves as Visitors, and even worse for our ego – Victims. Where and how does our view of life transform? The answer, as usual, is short and very simple – within ourselves, in our views formed in early childhood.

And please, let me underline one more point here:

Visitors and Victims exist simply because survival is the prime concern for the child we all once were.

In the story of Alex and Tamara

June 27, 2014,  Family, Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

What is the difference between a boy and a girl? Both sexes have just the same number of chromosomes – exactly twenty-two pairs. The twenty-third, however, is different for men and women.

This is the pair that contains the sex chromosomes that comes to determine whether we become male or female. Let’s see what happens after this. If there is a gene that determines our sex is that the same gene that determines the path of our life? Why is it that we recognize so often our parents’ reactions and words in a given situation to our own reactions and words in similar situations?

So, if Dad got mad when something went wrong, you might get mad and respond in the same way he did...

May 1, 2014,  Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

How do you cope with those really intense emotions? And how do you cope with your children’s intense emotions? Do you try to crush them away before your children even realize them? Or do you provide your children with the opportunity of giving these emotions a name and understanding them?

Children, as any of you who are parents know, can feel everything intensely. And whether they like something or dislike something, you will most often get the message loud and clear.

But while children really feel their feelings, they don’t know how to name them or how to express them appropriately until they learn these things from their carers, in the first instance normally their parents...

April 16, 2014,  Fundamental Human Needs  No comments

Imagine that the postman brings you mail consisting of an envelope with sender “Change” and your name proudly sticking out as a recipient. You go back home, open the envelope with bated breath, and discover a ticket waiting for you inside. The flight destination is your own personal happiness, and the departure day is TODAY!

How many steps do you actually need to reach your happiness? The answer is: five. Five steps to create your “Happily Ever After”.

What I have learned from my many years in a relationship, and as a Relationship Counselor, Coach and Therapist, is that there are five fundamental human needs that need to be satisfied for someone to have a happy life and a rewarding and enduring relationship.

These are the “secrets”.

Let’s look at each step in detail in the form of steps o...