autonomy tagged posts

September 26, 2019,  Counselling, Family, Games People Play, Life, Script  No comments

Berne, like many others studying human behaviour at the time, suggests that a childlike stance is more likely to occur in a person’s third or fourth decade of life, after the skills to ensure survival have been fully developed.

By then, you have learned from experience that your subconscious mind will take care of many operations: practicing social niceties are now a matter of habit and you know you’re socially safe. You can now enjoy special moments in life without inhibition or fear.

To maintain the autonomous state, however, requires constant vigilance as you move away from the programmed script that influenced your past behaviour patterns.

If we lived in Utopia, we wouldn’t have to learn social survival skills, but we don’t...

July 10, 2019,  Games People Play, Life  No comments

Spontaneity

Eric Berne, Founder of Transactional Analysis as a model of therapy, defines spontaneity as the capacity to see multiple options from which we choose to act. We can freely choose how we think, feel, and behave in response to an event.

To be Spontaneous means to be free from the compulsion to have only the thoughts and feelings you were taught to have and to play the games you were taught to play (or learned to) to maintain your scripted life position.

Intimacy

Finally, Berne defines Intimacy as the “spontaneous, game-free candidness of an aware person, the liberation of the intuitively perceptive, uncorrupted Child in all its naiveté living in the here and now.”

He adds:

Intimacy is essentially a function of the Natural Child; […] it tends to turn ou...

July 23, 2015,  Family, Games People Play, Relationship  No comments

Adam and Emily had been in a relationship for two years and were contemplating marriage. The issue however was that they could never agree on anything and even less so when the conversation turned to how they might fulfill their marriage vows.

Adam was an only child growing up and was used to having most things he wanted without having to share with siblings. He was fun loving and ambitious and well-liked by his mates and work colleagues. Emily was the youngest of five children and so was used to speaking loudly to have her voice heard at all.

Adam and Emily met at a work function where they immediately “hit it off” and became great friends. It wasn’t long before they decided that because they were spending so much time at each other’s place they might as well move in together...

May 26, 2015,  Family, Relationship  No comments

Have you ever heard this Indian song? You will start to love your life again my friend and that is all, there’s nothing more to say singing hey lay oh hey singing hey lay oh ha

If life is a theatre play we are playing the fourth act of our relationship – Recoupling. This song would be the most appropriate and most meaningful music background.The World is full of wonders and individuality is one of them. In finding ourselves, our own inner Universe, we have the real opportunity to share it with another human being and to mutually exchange feelings, emotions, and life.Nothing else matters now when two human beings find their way towards one another with the freedom to communicate independently and autonomously...

May 13, 2015,  Family, Relationship  No comments

The principal challenge for couples in Relationship Stage 3

The principal challenge for couples in Relationship Stage 3 is to develop an even stronger personal identity and sense of self than each had before meeting—one that is separate from the relationship, while not so separate that the partners lose sight of each other. Each member of the couple gets involved again in career, hobbies, and/or interests in community activities independently of the partner. This stage is also about spending time with other friends and in other activities, reactivating and consolidating the development of one’s self-esteem, friendships, and personal interests.

Let me share with you one of the most common mistakes couples make while rediscovering their boundaries...

May 6, 2015,  Family, Relationship  No comments

I like the analogy between the relationship and the Chinese Yin Yang symbol. Similarities are obvious at several levels. The male and female beginning is represented by the black and white colours. If we look at the symbol of the circle and infinity, we will see that these two individualities are brilliantly combined in a whole. And translated into the language of our partnership, Yin and Yang are two separate identities bound together in an eternal union. From the point of view of the inner-couple relations, the key accent here is the numbers two and one. The difference in the sequence of the numbers in this case is of fundamental significance.

Rediscovering Your Boundaries: Where, Exactly, Do I Begin and End?

Therefore, this stage is about you moving from an undifferentiated “we” back to...

April 8, 2015,  Relationship  No comments

You wake up one morning only to find out that you are lying in your own bed with a complete stranger next to you. And then you ask yourself how to find the differences in this picture – from yesterday and today. Is it some kind of joke? You might be able to guess that I’m describing the “waking up” after the blissful sleep that was the honeymoon.

And even if the first stage lasted for a whole calendar year, waking up is simply an inevitable end to a time of precious sleep. Alas, even the strongest coffee cannot sober you up after you’ve made that jump into the new reality.

Let me share with you – the same happens with all couples all around the world, always and without a miss. Accept this new step as the time when we need to accept the statement:

Differences deserve to be rec...