July 2, 2018,
Love, Relationship, Sex 
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Each of us has our own turn-ons and turn-offs, and our degree of ease around each of these will impact how responsive we are to each other at any given time—not just sexually, but in all of our most intimate moments.
Sexual inhibitors and enhancers (we can think of them as intimacy inhibitors and enhancers), can be broadly categorised into four different types: physical, psychological, partner (the way you act in relationship), and place: the “four P’s” of Intimacy.
Sexual Inhibitors
Physical
- Libido differences
- Tiredness or physical fatigue
- Physical discomfort (headache, injury, illness)
- Poor general health
- Excess intake of alcohol or medications
Psychological
- Lack of emotional wellbeing (stress, anger, fear, guilt, sadness, anxiety, shame)
- Low self-esteem
- Inadequate understanding of sex
- Negative sexual attitude
- Lack of pleasurable sexual fantasies
Partner
- Low attraction to partner
- Sexual difficulties (prostate problems or painful intercourse)
- Lack of affection, companionship, fun, or romance
- Lack of trust, security
- Lack of or low commitment (real or perceived)
- Poor communication
- Lack of respect
- Unclear boundaries between couple and others (work, in-laws)
- Unresolved conflict (tension in relationship)
Place
- Lack of time
- Lack of privacy
- Poor atmosphere (not welcoming or conducive to lovemaking
- Unfavourable environment (noisy, smelly, unclean, uncomfortable, too hot or too cold)
- Distractions (phone, TV, children)
Sexual Enhancers
Physical
- Libido compatibility
- Adequately rested
- Feeling fit, healthy, and well
- No injuries
- No excess of alcohol or other social drugs
Psychological
- High emotional wellbeing
- High self esteem
- Understanding of sex
- Positive attitude to sex
- Positive sexual anticipation
- Pleasurable sexual thoughts and fantasies
Partner
- High attraction to partner
- Good sexual chemistry
- Good previous sexual experiences
- Affectionate connections (nonsexual)
- Real love
- Companionship, fun, romance
- Trust, fidelity, and care
- High commitment to relationship
- Good communication and intimacy
- High respect
- Equality in decision making
- Effective conflict management skills
- Firm relationship boundaries
Place
- Adequate time
- Adequate privacy
- Atmosphere conducive to lovemaking
- Favourable environment
- Comfortable temperature
- Minimal distractions
Needless to say, the way to ensure that every individual gets to experience all the intimacy of the moment is to ensure that the sexual inhibitors are minimised, and the sexual enhancers maximised.
In my next article I’ll look at a couple of the influences that may have the most significant impact on your sexual relationship. These particularly need to be managed if your intimate or sexual relationship with your partner is to be the best it can be.
To the wonder of you,
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