October 11, 2015,
Relationship, Relationship Tips 
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Body language, power of words, facial expression, position of the hands, waving of the hair – what do all of these mean to you when transferred into everyday communication? Is the reading of every gesture part of effective communication between people? Is it non-verbal language? I am asking myself, isn’t this the key to Relationship Rules for Effective Communication?
Of course, my experience as well as all of the big books written on this topic prove that each gesture or movement of our bodies expresses our inner condition in a moment of conversation, in a moment of a dispute, or even in a moment when we say “I love you” to our partner.
In order to be a good converser and listener at the same time you need to acquire a few simple skills and mostly you have to learn to read the code of non-verbal body language.
Everyone can benefit from using all their senses to do the same. By this, I mean listening with your whole body. When you are listening to someone, give that person your whole attention. Don’t just listen to the words with your ears; listen with your eyes as well. Look at what people’s faces are saying as they speak the words. Look at their body language and see whether it confirms or denies the truth of what they are saying. I have even noticed that people under stress exude an aroma, so I pay attention to that as well. Children and animals are particularly good at picking up stress or fear in humans. We can be as well if we pay attention to it. In addition pay attention to your own internal responses to what you hear—the thoughts you have and what you feel inside your body. If you find yourself feeling frustrated, angry, or sad in response to what the other person says, it could be telling you something about what is really being said.
How do we “listen”? Have you ever thought about this part of your communication? Are you able to listen to your speaker and provide adequately your point of view only after you have heard the arguments of your partner? And something more – have you tried reading their body language while listening to their words in order to obtain a better picture of the emotions that control them in the moment of talking?
I find that listening to someone else’s point of view is also great for thinking about what I really want or need from them. Just as it is for the other party, by listening to someone else’s perspective, I end up clearer about my own. I am sometimes even surprised to find that as I listen to someone else, I realize that our positions may not be as far apart as I originally thought. It may even help to write my thoughts down on paper to clarify it for myself first and to prepare better for when it’s my turn to speak.
In order to be more helpful I will give you a little advice. It is simple and easy to realize but it will ensure great results while mastering the Rules for Effective Communication.
Here is how the roles of the speakers can be described. I ask the other person if he or she is willing to take the time to hear me out before responding to what he or she thinks I’m saying. In this, I strive to take full responsibility for my feelings and not to blame others for them. I try to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements to convey what’s going on for me. For example, I might say “I feel disappointed (sad, angry, etc.),” instead of “You make me angry.”
It is funny how we as a culture are willing to take responsibility for what we perceive as positive emotions (for example, “I love you!”), while on the other hand, we are not so willing to take personal responsibility for any negative emotions. So instead of saying “I’m angry with you,” we are more likely to say “You make me angry.” Interestingly, I have yet to hear anyone say, “You make me love you!” (Listen for it and let me know if you ever hear it.)
Write to me and share whether you face some difficulties in the mastering, application and analysis of the Rules for Effective Communication. If yes, where do you face them? I can assure you that in order to be happy and complete in your relationship you have to learn just one thing: Effective Communication in Action in all of its aspects.
To the wonder of you,
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