Do As I Say Not As I Do!

September 15, 2021,  Family, Games People Play, Life, Script  No comments

One important lesson to learn here is that because your script for life and the rules or guidelines it contains are subconsciously passed on to you, you are most likely to copy exactly what your parents do, even if what they say seems to contradict it.

Without a doubt, this is where “Do as I say, not as I do!” does not work.

While kids might not know what goes on behind closed doors consciously, they know exactly what is happening subconsciously. Even a child who has not yet been born is picking up messages from their environment which marks him for life. Events will then likely play out in their own lives as they grow and enter their own adult relationships.

What I am saying here is that you are scripted to choose your partner to be a certain kind of person. The most astonishing part of this is that this all happens subconsciously. Not only that, but you will even subconsciously manipulate that person to be a certain way, even if this is not how they were when you first entered a relationship with them. Maybe that is, after all, why I describe my partner as being very much like my father. Maybe he was not like that to begin with; maybe I have created him this way because of my own script beliefs.

Now, if nothing else I have said so far has knocked your socks off that statement alone should!

Let’s get this really clear. People talk about the “chemistry” that attracts us to one another. I call it a script. Your script, and the underlying values, attitudes, and beliefs that you hold, are what attract you to another person. And, as you are attracted to them, so he or she is attracted to you. There is a mutual, though subconscious and consequently unspoken, agreement that as your partner will support you in finding confirmation that your beliefs are correct, so too will you support your partner in the same way.

Here’s a personal example. As I’ve already noted, my family was Dutch. I was born about a year after they migrated from the Netherlands to Australia after the Second World War. Besides my parents, I have four siblings. My parents owned a cake shop and bakery that also had a milk bar (akin to a soda shop in the USA). From the time any of us kids could see over the top of the shop counter, we were put to work. Sometimes we would work in the bakery, putting tops on meat pies or sweets on the fairy cakes (cupcakes); then, as we grew older, we would work in the shop, serving customers.

Sometimes, especially at the peak of the summer season (our busiest time of the year) we would work in the bakery at night and in the shop during the day. It was simply how life was for us growing up in a tourist town by the coast. We knew nothing of the child labor laws and never thought about whether we actually had a say in what we did. We just knew that if each of us did not do our bit, there wouldn’t be enough money to put food on our own table.

From this experience I was already making decisions about how life was going to be for me growing up and I then subconsciously looked for a partner to share my life with who will support that belief. 

To the wonder of you,

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