July 8, 2015,
Family, Relationship 
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I will try to focus your thoughts on the word “balance“. What does it mean to you?
We can all agree that the balance can be a financial, emotional, behavioural and even professional one. But which one of these characteristics has the strongest influence over the person’s feeling of happiness?
To the greatest extent the burden of the meaning of “balance” falls most significantly on your relationship with your partner. Most of the people in my office say that if they feel balanced in their relationship at home then they achieve unprecedented heights at work.
Why is it that way?
It is because every human being needs a centre to balance their social hardships. People can discover such a centre in their relationships especially if they are strong ones and have passed through the storms of the four previous steps in order to successfully achieve Stage 5 and start living in harmony and balance.
The Balancing Act That Is a Relationship
Can you relate to this?
Any disputes that arise between those of you who are in this stage tend not to be long lasting and as you resolve them now more easily, the likelihood of rehashing old issues also diminishes.
You realize that they are just not that important any more. You are totally at ease with each other’s differences and neither of you needs or wants to harbour old grudges or resentments.
You are capable of, and committed to, relating in ways that reflect your most profoundly held values and beliefs. And you have the capacity to actively support your partner’s right to do the same.
Consideration of your wants and the wants of your partner becomes easier to manage. And, from a perspective of care, your way of being together becomes automatic as your self-esteem peaks in line with your partner’s. The flow between being “me” and being “we” becomes a part of who you both are as naturally as the river flows to the sea.
This stage may be summarized this way: “When I look at you, I see me, and when I look in the mirror, I see you.”
Maybe this is what was meant by the old idea that spoke about two halves making a whole when referring to couples in a happy, successful relationship. I would rather describe it as two whole people creating something that is even greater than each of them separately. It is love in its purest form. It is the promise of “Happy Ever After.”
The relationship you have supports you both as gently as the arms of a mother holding her child. You feel safe to explore your lives separately as well as your lives together. You are able to support each other’s causes without feeling personally threatened.
It is not hard for the couples that have found balance in their relationships to share their rational experience. But what is the point of receiving someone’s knowledge without having to live through and deliberate on our own?
That is why lots of couples while passing through the first four stages of their relationship are looking for some ready-made solutions and advices on how to deal with the pebbles on the road in the easiest and painless way. I always remind those people that the balance in the relationship with their partners is a road that must be taken together.
There is no recipe. That is where the challenge of building a strong and happy relationship, and of keeping it that way no matter the difficulties that life brings us daily, is hidden.
Challenges for Couples in Stage 5
The challenges for you as a couple in this stage are to continue to develop your emotional, intellectual, and sexual intimacy. This may involve committing to joint projects and focusing on the legacy that you leave behind when your life ends.
I was attending a wealth seminar recently where it was suggested that we actually have a responsibility to become as wealthy as we can be because it is in this way that we can most help others.
If you have children, one important part of your legacy will be modelling a successful relationship for them. You also show those who come to know you and share time with you what a successful relationship looks like.
Finally, I will share with you what inspired me and settled me down to work so that I can be useful to each one of you – my sincere desire for every couple I meet to find the meaning of the phrase: This is truly living the fairy tale.
This book is my gift and the beginning of a new enterprise; to reduce the rate of divorce in the western world while increasing the joy for those in relationship.
If I have managed to pass on the spark of creation to you and you have learned something new about yourself and your relationship by the pages of my book, by the lines in my blog, then I will be truly happy. Write to me and share what is the valuable thing you discovered about yourself.
To the wonder of you,
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